Life as we know it sucks

Comfort Zone

Current Mood: *sigh*

Current Music: Britney Spears is playing in my head :)

Looks as though my decision has been made clear. Even though I kinda wish I had some risk-taking left in me to do what my heart's telling me. *sigh* I'm so depressed.

I really, really like Christopher . . . but I can't help it. I'm a coward. And I'm attached to Shane on more personal levels that anyone really thinks. I don't feel like going through all this shit again - you know, the getting used to a new guy and all that. I'm trapped in my comfort zone and I can't do anything about it. I could . . . but that would involve stepping outside of that zone and being exposed to change. I really hate being like this.

I'm pretty sure that later on, I will regret this . . . big time. And even now, I'm regretting it.

I really don't want to lose Christopher. I want to keep him as a friend. A best friend. No - a better than best friend.

He does not judge me or say anything rude or offensive when I tell him things. He's so sympathetic and caring and yea . . . it's nice to have a friend within the borders of the state to talk to in person or on the phone without it costing a lot of moeny. I'd love for Rachel to move back.

I'm just glad I have someone here for me. You know what I mean? I just feel bad that there are romantic feelings flowing around between he and I. *sigh*

Looks as thought Christopher and I aren't attending Homecoming tonight. I wish I hadn't hurt him. I've already regretted my decision. If I'm still feeling this way in a week or two then the only thing to do about it is to break up with Shane. I can't help what I feel or what happens really. What happens is supposed to happen. Ugh! I hate this. I think I'm going to feel like shit for a while. *sigh*

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To everyone out there who's a little different, I say damn a magazine, these are God's fingerprints.