Life as we know it sucks

I Can't Wait

Current Mood: I don't know...relieved I'm finally home :)

Current Music: Time and Time Again - Chronic Future

written 11/10

I'm so happy! I get to be leaving this awful hell hole soon . . . tomorrow around one to be exact. :) I get to get away to have some fun and be happy. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I'm looking forward to having a good time and hopefully my moepy dopey self won't bring down the parade.

Today, Christopher went on a field trip. So, I didn't see him and I could be my normal self in 4th today. I didn't have to listen to his taunting, "ha-ha-I'm-not-sad" voice of his. He's doing it on purpose. Trying to make me feel bad and trying to make me believe he's happy and has moved on. Well it's working, you jackass! Who the hell knows if that's true, though?! I hope not because then that'd make me feel really low and pathetic . . . which I'm sure is what he was going for.

I still talk to Joseph which is surprising. I didn't think he'd stick around and stay my friend after I'd hurt his friend so badly. *sigh* He's very helpful, but I just haven't felt like talking about everything. I feel like I should handle it myself. I feel like I have to stop relying on others, you know? I need to take care of myself. Suck it up and take it like a (wo)man.

I'm very angered and distraught. I'm angry at myself, God, Christopher, Shane and everyone I guess. I'm distraught and completely lost on how I'm supposed to handle this.

I have rubber bands . . .but is that going to be enough to keep me from cutting? I probably do need support from friends, but I'm sick of asking for it. *sigh* It doesn't seem like anyone cares anyway. I don't need hlep from anyone. And that's that.

~~~~~~~~~

Later:

At 9:45 . . . or so, this evening, I was laughing with Rachel about 60 things NEVER to say to a naked guy when all of a sudden the impossible happened. Yes, you guess it. Christopher IMed me! Hard to believe, but it's true. It was so good to just talk to him. He asked about when something was due (even though he probably knew - or at least that's what I'm telling myself) and that's where our conversation began. We didn't talk about anything personal . . . just things.

Hmmmm...Now I can really enjoy my weekend! YAY!

Yours Truly

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"I love you" is only 8 letters . . . then again, so is "bullshit."