The Last Kiss

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Later that evening, Lindsey was sitting in the study, remembering all the events of the day. She had no clue that today was going to be so busy, nor did she think her staff had any idea of it either. She almost felt sorry for Sam, he should have stopped working long ago, but she knew he had his grandchildren to take care of. The money he made was sent to their mother, so Lindsey knew the importance of him working. Still, she wasn’t sure how much longer he would have employment with her or with anyone for that matter. That thought hadn’t entered her head until then, what would her staff do once Lord Manning took over the house. Lindsey had no idea what the end goal would be for her, much less her staff, that was something she would have to talk with Ashton about when he showed up this evening.

According to Ashton’s note that came with the flowers, he would be here tonight, Lindsey for some reason was looking forward to see him. She should be mad at him, not warning her of all the company that would be coming this morning. Why he had sent a dressmaker to the house, had kept her wondering all day. Sure she was nice to the shy girl but she knew she wouldn’t get the answers she needed from Miss Palmer. That was something she would take up with Ashton, just as soon as he showed his handsome face, Lindsey caught herself thinking.

“No, you don’t, don’t you dare do it, I won’t allow it.” she said to herself, maybe hoping the sound of her own voice would tell her heart not to even think about it.

“Do what?” Ashton said, his voice soft and gentle, causing Lindsey to jump.

“What, oh,” Lindsey stumbled to think of something to say, “um, I was talking to myself.”

“Oh, do you normally talk to yourself, you know its not a good habit to start, some people would think you
crazy,” he said with a huge smile on his face.

Not liking the way he was smiling, it made her angry, why she didn’t know.

“It is none of your business what I was saying and no I don’t normally talk with myself. Why did you not warn me about all the callers I would have today?” turning the questions to Ashton, hoping he would give her a good answer.

“Well, truth be told, I had no idea that they would all be calling on you this morning, but I did state in my messages that the debt would be paid upon completion,” he said with a nice honest tone in his voice.

“And the dressmaker, what about her, she has nothing to do with the house,” she said, wondering what type of answer he would give.

“Oh, she came too I see,” he said with a small chuckle, then clearing his throat, “that was suppose to be a surprise, but I think the cat is out of the bag now.”

“What ever do you mean, sir,” Lindsey said glaring at him with her piercing blue eyes, “and I don’t like surprises, just so you know.”

“I see,” he said smiling.

“Do you?” she asked.

“I do assume you were not rude to the dressmaker, as you seem to be in a foul mood,” he snapped.

Taken back by the words, she said “no, why would I be rude to them? It is you that sent them here, was it not?”

“Indeed, it was, but I was only trying to be nice, I did not think that you would be offended by such a thing, most women like having new things, especially new dresses.” he said, his voice having serious tone to it.

“What? Do you think I am one of those simple minded women, that have nothing better to do than shop and spread gossip on the square?” the thought of her being one of those type women almost made her stomach turn.

“Why, no I don’t think that your that type of woman,” he said, thinking that he would be slapped had he told her the truth of what he thought of her.

“Something else that has been bothering me, what are your intentions?” she said softly, not sure if she wanted to know the truth.

“My intentions?” puzzled by her statement.

“Yes, with my staff, and myself,” seeing her words confused him, she continued, “once your work is finished with the house, what do you plan on doing with my staff? I also need to know when I need to start finding another place to live?”

“Well, I haven’t exactly thought of that yet, but I suppose I could keep the staff on under my employment,” seeing how his words bothered her, he said, “or I think if they wanted to leave they could, or even go with you when you find a new place to live.”

“If you don’t mind I think I will retire to my room for the rest of the evening, good night, sir,” she said, trying to exit the room as fast as she could.

She didn’t know what it was about him, but he could make her angry in a matter of moments. On the other hand, she longed for when he would talk with her again, Lindsey had never felt like this before, not even with Robert. Ashton wasn’t sure which part of their talk had bothered her the most. This bothered him, he wasn’t sure what he was suppose to do about her.

Walking up to her chamber, Lindsey thought of what had just taken place, she was still not sure if even she knew. Something she had noticed was that the entire time, Ashton had not raised his voice to her, or tried to harm her in any way. That was something she was not accustomed to, Robert had always had a temper, and talking with her would only make it show itself. With Ashton, she could be free. Free of worry, free of fear, yes, she could be herself with Ashton. Lindsey smiled, that was something she wanted in her life. Freedom.

Still sulking in his defeat, Ashton sat down in one of the chairs, wondering what in the world had just happened. One moment, she was telling him of her day and the next she was storming out like some crazy woman. He had never seen a woman quite like Lindsey, strong willed, intelligent and so very much unsure of herself. Ashton could tell that she spoke the truth to him, she wasn’t the sort of woman that would lie, it wasn’t in her blood. But every time they spoke, she always looked like she feared him, like she wasn’t sure if she should run and hide from him. Ashton didn’t like this, he was sure she didn’t know his secret yet, he had given her no signs of what he was truly about. There had been no hints of what the truth was behind Ashton’s eyes, what was in his heart.

Shaking his head, trying to dismiss the thoughts, he said spoke to himself, “there is no possible way she would know about me.”

Determined to find out if Lindsey really did know about him, he decided to go up to her room and ask. He knew she would tell the truth. No he couldn’t do that, or could he? If he asked her too many questions she would get suspicious and he wasn’t prepared to tell her yet. His heart grew heavy, he longed to tell her, he hated not telling her. The burning in his chest made his mind up for him, he would go right this moment and talk with her. Ashton had to know what she thought of him, even if she hated his very being, he had to know.

With that, he darted out the door of the study, and started up the stairs, with his quick pace, it didn’t take him long before he stood in front of her door. Just as he had the night before. The night before, echoed in his mind. The night before he entered her room and found her lying on the floor. The fear of a repeat of that flooded his body, his mind only thought of her safety at that second. Without even knocking he entered her rooms.

Lindsey not knowing what was going on, jumped to her feet, “WHAT are you doing here?” she quizzed in a very loud voice.

With his face beat red, Ashton had nothing to say, why had he entered her room without knocking, oh yes, he feared for her safety. “So sorry Lindsey, but I feared you might have passed out again, so without even thinking,” he stopped mid-sentence. He looked over her body, seeing she only had on her corset, untied some at the top. Ashton had no clue what he should do, on one hand he knew he should turn and exit the room immediately but on the other, he wanted to rush over to her, take her in his arms and kiss her. Trying with all his being to think of what he had been saying he said, “well, I see you are quite beautiful.”

Lindsey could tell he had no clue as to what he just said, “what did you say,” she asked.

“Um, I said you are quite ok,” hoping that had been what he did indeed say.

“No, that was not what you said, you said ‘I see you are quite beautiful’, now why would you say that?” truly wanting to know the answer. Lindsey thought, did he really find her beautiful? No, he couldn’t possibly find her attractive, she was plain.

“I, I suppose I, um, yes well I believe I did say that or something like that,” he was taken back, he had not meant to tell her that, not like this anyhow.

Taking steps closer to Lindsey, saw she was trying to stifle back a laugh, “well, I have never seen a man stumble on his wording like you just have, tell me is,” her words were cut off.

Wrapping his arms around her slender waist, pulling her body next to his, he kissed her. The last of Lindsey’s words echoed into his mouth. To Ashton’s surprise she didn’t fight him, instead she sank deeper into his arms, deeper into the warmth of his body. Lindsey shocked him again when he had opened his mouth and had stroked her lips with his tongue, instead of pulling back, she opened her mouth to receive his offer. Going a step further, she stroked his tongue with her own, sending pleasurable shock through his body.

Stunning herself, Lindsey didn’t hold back, she wrapped her arms around his neck, tippy toeing so she could deepen the kiss. She could feel Ashton’s hands roaming her body, and she didn’t object. Instead, she longed for more, more of him, more of his touch. Not understanding why she felt this way, but knowing that right then all she wanted was him. No, she didn’t just want him, she needed him. She was a grown woman, she knew full well exactly what she wanted. She wanted him inside of her, now.

Reading her mind, Ashton was glad she felt much the same way as he did. He had wanted her since he first laid eyes on her some time back. Lindsey’s husband had just been a mere pond in his game of chess, something to be tossed aside when no longer of use. Ashton wanted his queen and at this moment he wanted her even more than he had thought possible. But he knew, that now was not the time to do this, as much as he wanted to make love to Lindsey, he simply couldn’t, not yet.

Ashton pulled back, putting some space between the two, he said sweetly, “sorry, my lady, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Hm, what?” Lindsey mumbled, still basking in his warmth.

“I must leave now, I shall see you tomorrow night,” his voice still husky with lust and then he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Lost in pools of emotion, Lindsey had no idea what to think. He had kissed her, pulled her body next to his, then pushed her away? Stunned by what had just happened, she sat down on the bed, having no understanding of what went wrong. She was sure that he wanted her as much, if not more, than she wanted him. She was almost positive of it. New thoughts of anger pushed into her mind, he had rejected her, he had lied. Yes, that was what it was, he had lied to her, saying she was beautiful. The meaning of the word did not fit her, she was not beautiful. Why? Why had she let him say she was, believing his lies?

Tears rushed to her eyes, fighting them back, she got off the bed and walked back to were she had been sitting before he burst threw her door. Brushing her hair again, she failed, the tears started to roll down her cheeks. No longer able to fight them, she dropped her brush and cradled her face in her hands and cried. The tears kept flowing, Lindsey had so much pain stored up in her heart, finally giving the heartbreak a release. After a few moments of nothing but tears, she picked up her head and looked in the mirror. She saw the swollen eyes, bloodshot red, that the tears had created.

Taking a deep sigh, Ashton just stood outside her door, not knowing what to do. Why had he hurt her like that? He could feel her pain, then as if to confirm it, he heard her sobs from the room. Right then all he wanted more to do was go back into the room and hug her, tell her that it wasn’t her fault. The pains she felt echoed in his heart, he hated himself for it. He turned facing the door, almost as if to hug it, not sure if he should burst back in or to let well enough alone. What had he done to her? Had she not suffered enough heartbreak, only for him to cause more?
Going against his better judgement Ashton put his hand up to the door and knocked. Trying to cover her puffy face, Lindsey grabbed the powder, dabbing it here and there. Then almost forgetting that she was still in her half-laced corset, she pulled on her robe, and went to the door. Not wanting the maid to see her face a mess, she cracked the door open.

Keeping her eyes on the floor, she noticed that the shoes didn’t match that of her maid, or any woman for that matter. It was Ashton, her jumped, racing out of control. She didn’t want the maid to see her cry much less Ashton, he was the last person she wanted to see this very moment. In another sense, he was exactly the person she wanted to see, why she was still unsure.

Trying to hold her voice steady, she spoke softly, “can I help you?”

“Lindsey, I need to speak with you, might I come in?” Ashton said matching the softness in her voice.

“I am not dress, it would be most inappropriate,” hoping that would make him leave, she was wrong.

“Oh, please Lindsey, I was just in your bedchamber, and I know you haven’t the time to unlace your corset further,” he said almost begging.

“And that was most inappropriate too, you know very well that you should not have entered my room at any time,” not knowing when they had followed formalities.

“Why, yes, I suppose not, but I think we have surpassed all that formality stuff long ago, besides, I was never one to pay attention to the formal stuff, remember I told you that already,” he said with a smile, wondering why she still hadn’t looked into his eyes.

Looking up at him, seeing his smile almost made her forget that she was angry at him, she almost forgot all together that he had hurt her. A lump froze in her throat, she had nothing to say, she was lost in the gaze of his eyes. Peering into his eyes, she saw a window to his soul, but what did it have to offer her? Lindsey wasn’t sure what she saw, but then it came to her, she saw flames. The fire of passion, the desire deep within and hunger. The hunger in his eyes scared her, she wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was his hunger for her or something else all together? And if it was for her, would she be able to satisfy his every need?

Holding back his urge to take her into his arms and make her his, he simple said, “I am so sorry, Lindsey, but I do not wish to move so fast, these things take time.”

“What things?” she stated.

Thinking of the best way to tell her without hurting her, he said, “I would very much like to make love to you right now, but I must not allow myself to move too fast, what I want for us is too perfect to rush. Do you understand what I am saying?”

She nodded.

“Good, then rest now, and I shall see you tomorrow night. I do hope you know what I feel for you.” Not waiting for her answer he took her in his arms once more and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, releasing her before she had any clue to what had just happened. Before she knew it, she was alone in her room again, but this time, she was not upset. A bit confused but very much content with what he had said to her.

Outside the door again, Ashton listened. Not hearing any crying, he was pleased with himself. Going down stairs, he looked at the butler, not speaking a word out loud but in his mind, ‘I shall return later, do not wait up for me, make sure to send the messages I have wrote.’

“Yes, sir, have a good evening sir,” the butler mumbled almost in a trance.

And with that Ashton was gone.