Scratches in the desert sand

24 May 04

Well it is the close of another day. In fact this is the 169 day of deployment, with 378 to go until June 1, 2005 and, 271 days until our year in country is done. Now whether that means we will get to go home then remains to be seen. It struck me that during this rotation, known as, Operation Iraqi Freedom II, that we are blessed to be a part of the transitional governing process, our own national presidential elections and the Iraqi national election. Now don't you know that there will be people bombing and killing through the whole mess of it. And here we are, the fortunate ones to be in the middle of it.
I have to say there are some good and enjoyable moments, time spent with soldiers or having a good laugh with Tom. Seeing the moon and the stars at night when it is quiet out. Having time to read. Nice talks on the IM with Tracey.
I gave my first music lesson yesterday, SPC Hanson. He is a keyboard player who never learned to read music. So I am teaching him to read the notes. It is nice to use my skills to help someone enjoy their own talent better.


I seem to be in a good space these days. Hope it continues, maybe I am practicing what I preach. Being in the moment, feeling the anxiousness being squeezed out so that calm, peace, solitude can settle in my soul . Yet I am still baffled by the underlining nagging of self-doubt, not as strong a force as it once was, but still as a crippling effect. Still causes me to just hesitate a moment, before I act. It is like little jolts of electricity, that just zap me and sometimes overwhelms me and the panic sets in. How to shed those moment and act freely. To not feel like I don't measure up some how, that gnawing feeling of shame. Just have to keep reinforcing the self-accepting message and maybe one day I will believe it.