Life as we know it sucks

Everything

Current Mood: happy

Current Music: none

11/29/04

I don't have anything to say. Nothing really profound or in-depth. Just the same old, same old that everyone is tired of hearing about. Most of all, people are just plain tired of me. I can hear it in Shane's voice, I can see it in my "friend's" eyes, and I can feel it when I walk by people.

Ashton and Christopher are planning outings and they talk constantly. Yes, it bugs me, alright! God, is that what you want, Chris? I'm depressed enough as it is. Everything that has happened in the last five or so months has really started to affect me. I mean, I never thought I'd cut again, but what triggers the urges is stress. And when people call me stupid for it, or Shane wants to break up with me for it or people don't understand my reason - that makes it worse.

I miss Rachel so much! I've never missed anyone quite like this before. My daddy and that's it. Rachel was just the best friend I'd ever had and I just hate that she's not here when I need her most. I hate that she left me and could make new best friends like that *snaps fingers*. I hate everything.

Why couldn't things have stayed the way they were? I hate change . . .

And now I'm not going to be able to get social security anymore after February 20 because I won't be a full time high school student. How am I supposed to pay for college? How am I supposed to get anything?

I hate my life. I hate how I'm not interested in anything. I hate what I look like. I hate how small my boobs are. I hate how underweight I look. I hate my ugly face. I hate my hair. I hate my whole personality. My whole being. I just hate myself . . .

Yours Truly

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"I love you" is only 8 letters . . . then again, so is "bullshit."