Personal Journal

Finally got calm

The kindness of strangers has always been something I've searched for. It's a rather sisyphusian effort that incessantly left me alienated from my fellow human beings, and I recognize how that served me a lot of the time, albeit falsely.

Recently I had a discussion in an online chat room about god, or tried to, but I'm too narrow in my pursuit, and focused in my needs, for random strangers to relate to, let alone find help from.

But I did encounter one woman who was eager to have an intellectual discussion, and while the last 48 hours have been extremely corrosive on my spirit and mind, somehow I found myself calm after speaking with her for a few moments.

I said to her that either she is very good at giving support and deep in her ability to do so, or our personalities worked very well together, or both of course. I have a lot of things still to work out, but I'm relieved of the chaotic emotions that streamed through me incessantly, at least in the several hours since she and I spoke.

It was a rare moment where I got to rest the rock at the top of the hill. I'm thankful to god for it.

I'm not able to sleep right, still. But fatigue will probably catch me later today, and I'll get caught up.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn