My True Soul

No se por que

I feel bad.
Like as if ripping open my chest and removing things from it would make things so much better.

I want so badly just to lay down beside someone I really care about and sleep on their chest. And cuddle. And curl into someone's lap and cry my eyes out.

Even worse? I, myself, don't understand why I feel this way. I can be around someone, talk to someone, and I still feel alone. Yet, I want to be alone. It's a weird sensation. And my computer is screwing up, making this hard to type and I don't really have the patience for it.

f*** this!!!

So, I just found out Afra thinks that she and I really want different things, so she's been kinda distant in order to keep me from getting hurt. Which is considerate in a way. But damnit, just tell me what you think, don't do this bullshit. I hate being lead on, or teased, or having my heart jerked back and forth, or my emotions. Just f***ing tell me what the hell you want or don't want. Yes, I might be hurt for a little bit, but I won't resent you. And honestly, yeah, I felt for her. I'm so f***ing stupid.
my friend: well maybe she didnt know what she wanted at first
"it doesn't matter. it only hurts because she isn't completely who i thought as a person. no other reason. and even then, not much. cause no one really ever is."


I'm so tired of this bullshit. This same old f***ing bullshit.

Honestly? I don't know what the hell I want from life right now, I certainly as hell don't kno what I want from a relationship, in fact, I don't even think I f***ing want a relationship right now. I don't want to be in love with someone right now. Cause ya kno what? f*** love. I don't want to love someone right now. I'm not ready for it again. I'm giving up. Dear goddesses of the world, I am giving up.