Sunflower Blog

Deciding to ask for help

I haven't been very successful at applying myself to the tasks at hand. I need to finish a long short story to send in to a contest before the end of the month. As far as I can tell, Glimmertrain.com is not a vanity publishing outfit, and "A Cultural Crevice" fits into their guidelines. I need to re-write two chapters, and come up with a big finish.

I'm having trouble concentrating on anything. I was supposed to be teaching myself Photoshop this month--I got a book and signed up for a course. Unfortunately, I'm not finding the discipline to sit myself down at the computer and concentrate.

On the positive side, I've given up waiting for the spring sunshine to enlighten my mood. I know I'm clinically depressed, and I finally made an appointment with a new psychiatirst so that I can get meds to help. In less than a week I'll have antidepressants, and a week or so later I know I'll be feeling better.

I don't like being dependent on meds to maintain my mental health, but not taking meds leaves me as less than myself. I haven't been able to concentrate for months. I given in to not being productive because it's such a struggle to even get out of bed. I'm tired of the struggle, and not being able to accomplish anything. I just hope my new doctor isn't into medicating heavily. After ten years of living with a bipolar diagnosis, I've discovered there's usually some anti psychotic cocktail that a doctor will prescribe that will improve my outlook on life.

The good Lord helps those who help themselves. It's just frustrating to be taking such tiny steps towards my goals.