Angela's Musings

Boundaries

I work in a domestic violence shelter and deal with boundaries. We talk to our clients about their own boundaries because some of their issues involve not having strong ones. I myself have issues with boundaries. We have done some inservice trainings dealing with boundaries and I have gotten a lot better at keeping them. At least until now.

I met T. about a month ago. She came into shelter after going through a really difficult time. I didn't even talk to her on the phone (which is our policy) and my instincts were to take care of her. Now I have had other clients who touched my heart and there have been kids that I wanted to take home. None have brought out my mothering instinct like T. has. Everytime I am with her I just want to take her home and be her mom. I don't know why she has affected me the way she has. She is a 19 year old who has been on her own since she was 15 and has done pretty well, all things considered. This pull is so strong that I nearly said something to her today. Instead, I remembered that I have a job to do and can't mother her. It would mean my job if I were to say something to her or actually bring her to my home. I am looking for another position and I keep hoping I will find something so I could take care of her. It will probably kill me when she finally finds an apartment and leaves. I want her to be independent but I want to be a part of her life too. This just isn't healthy.

My life is so much in the air or maybe not. I have four weeks until I am done with my bachelor's degree. I still have a job that I like. My husband still loves me and my step kids are nearly grown. What more could I want? Actually the only thing left is a child of my own. I don't know if that will ever happen. It isn't possible naturally so what choices do I have? To not have a child or adopt one. I don't even need a little one - just one who wants me to love them. I guess I am a little needy. It would be easier to have one that wants me to love them than one that has to be in my home.