Straight No Chaser

I Hate

1. people who speak with dry mouths for extended periods of time. i find sticky "s" and fuzzy "p" sounds unbearable. i'd personally invest in commissioning bottomless water bottles for all of them if i thought they'd have the courtesy to take a sip now and then.

2. people who take apparent offense when i don't capitalize my journal entries. it's not "juvenile"; it's not "trite"; the words are all there and punctuated correctly and if you want proof that i know when and how to capitalize, it's a short journey to the fictional side of my portfolio. i just don't see why it's a big deal; journaling is about comfort, right? it's about the ideas themselves, not the way they are packaged, right? not to mention that, at age twenty, i don't appreciate being compared to your twelve-year-old daughter for any reason--understandably, i'd think.

3. ice in my drinks at restaurants. i've never been a server, but i'm sure they're trained to fill the glass with as much ice as is reasonable so they can stiff you on the actual liquid. sneaky. that's not what bothers me, though; it's the way the ice bumps up against your lip when you're sipping. it makes me grouchy.

4. pregnant women who smoke with no apparent remorse. i understand how staggeringly addictive nicotine is, and that for most people it takes more than willpower to quit once the addiction has taken root, but still. people quit successfully every day, meaning it can be done, and what better reason than to avoid poisoning an innocent? my grandfather lost his life to emphysema after smoking for sixty years, and i always wonder what would happen if i just walked around plucking deathsticks from people's mouths.

5. people who act surprised when my dialect "doesn't match" my appearance. i can appreciate the pervasiveness of stereotypes, but seriously, is it that much of a shock that i can string together a simple sentence once in a while? and do it without splitting verbs?