Sarah's Life

my lyrics journal...

I get asked frequently about my lyrics journal. I get asked why I choose certain songs, or why I highlight certain lines. Normally I don't answer these questions, because the lyrics journal is actually the most openly private way of expressing myself that I have. And yes, I know that's an oxymoron. Each line has it's own interpretation, which usually changes day to day. I can still look back on lyrics from two years ago and find them applicable to current situations. But, in honor of my lyrics journal, and to the role it has played in my life so far, I present you with a limited explaination of what some of those lyrics mean to my life right now. This is, of course, what they mean today - not necessarily what they'll mean tomorrow, or what they meant yesterday. So take what you will from this, but maybe it will help explain my mind better.


Stabbing Westward - "Torn Apart" - Posted 3-11-03

This set of lyrics will help show that even 2 years later the words hold meaning for me. I will only explain the lines that I feel hold meaning for me.

And now there's nothing left to say
Well, nothing that you'd believe

Right now I have "The Letter" which I sent a week ago, and which I know must have been recieved by now. I have yet to recieve a response (which is not entirely unexpected). This particular line sticks out to me because it expresses both my regret and my belief that no matter what I try to say it will never be enough. I actually think that most people, if they read this in my journal today, would think that I am refering to the relationship that just ended with Jeremy. However, this isn't the case - this line is actually retrospective.

I never meant to hurt you
with the things I couldn't say

This line, however, relates to the current situation with Jeremy. There were so many things that I felt like I couldn't tell him. There still are things that I don't feel like I can't tell him about - "The Letter" for example. I know that this hurt him, and I know that I could potentially have saved him alot of pain if I hadn't kept my feelings hidden for so long.

Those are just two lines out of the same song, the same set of lyrics. They actually follow each other in the song:
And now there's nothing left to say
Well, nothing that you'd believe
I never meant to hurt you
with the things I couldn't say
Which brings up the point that when I choose a song, it doesn't necessarily relate to any one particular topic, or even one chronographical idea.


Korn - "Alone I Break" - Posted 5-30-03

This is another song which still speaks to me every time I hear it. BTW - though I mourn the loss of
Brian Welch in this band, I commend him for following his calling and his beliefs. Everything occurs for a reason, and I have no doubts that there will be positive results all around from this decision, so long as the band keeps their minds open to change. Back to the lyrics!

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind

This actually says to me now - "Change is good, remember to embrace it, and let go of the pain". While this seems obvious on the surface, this song recieved quite a bit of comment among those close to me, due to the rest of the lyrics and the overall negative connotation of the song. While yes, sometimes it feels as though the pain won't go away, this is my acknowledgement that eventually it does. Eventually everything changes, and eventually the pain from that change fades as you see the reason your path had to take it's particular route.

That's the major one from this song - but it shows that sometimes people read too much into the general tone and less into the lines I highlight. Sometime's it is just a line that sticks out at me, sometime's it is the whole damn song.


Pearl Jam - "Thumbing my Way" - Posted 7-16-03

This song is in direct contrast to the previous song. This is a song which acutally conveys an emotion as a whole, not as a particular line.

I have not been home since you left long ago

Again, a Jackson reference.

I can't be free with what's locked inside of me

This is a reference to Jeremy, and the secrets I feel I kept from him. Thus, over the past week as I let those secrets out, and talked to him about them, I feel more free, and more myself than I have in years.

there's no wrong or right, but I'm sure there's good and bad
the questions linger overhead
no matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead

Actually, the Wrong/Right vs. Good/Bad debate is one we're going through in my philosophy of religion class right now. This is my answer to the question, though I'm still working on how to elucidate my answer. Naturally, questions always have the habit of never getting answered. Especially when I'm too impatient to wait on snail-mail. The whole letter thing is getting to me (I'm tempted to start refering to it as "The Letter - OF DOOM!" but I won't, because it seems belittling). Finally, I do believe there is always a springtime ahead, because why live life without hope?

all the rusted signs we ignore throughout our lives
choosing the shiny ones instead

I firmly believe that I gave up a relationship that seemed a little tarnished because of the distance and emotional strain involved, to choose the happy shiny one that seemed so easy... and I made the wrong choice.

This song is more about the slow pained guitar rifts, and the haunting sound of Eddie Vedder's voice. Thus, the simple act of posting the lyrics in this case isn't quite enough to express how I feel about the song. Alot of times I'll just highlight the one or two lines that really really really stick out, and let the rest just mean something vauge and undefined, but still important.


Nine Inch Nails - "The Hand that Feeds" - Posted 3-16-05

The minute I heard this song I knew it HAD to go into my lyrics journal. I am addicted to it and I cannot wait until I can get my hands on the new album. As I said in one of my rare comments before the lyrics "Gawd this CD needs to come out..."

got your chin held high and you feel just fine
because you do
what you're told
but inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

This line references the feeling I have that I was almost pushed into the breakup with Jeremy by outside forces. In every way I know it's a good thing that it happened, but I still feel as though I was heavily influenced by others (of course, I asked for that influence, so I can't really complain). The last line reflects my "cold hearted bitch" feeling that I've had for the past week. The feeling that I'm bad for not being more upset about the break up. The feeling that everything is numb and cold inside of me again, which I havn't had for a while.

what if this whole crusade's
a charade
and behind it all there's a price to be paid
for the blood
on which we dine

There is always a price to be paid. ALWAYS.




And so you have a slice of my life, represented by other's words, interpreted by me. I don't know if this is useful, but perhaps it will stop the inqueries. If not, it did help me a little.


~~Sarah