The gallery (2013)

chapter 5

Alan walked her out to the car, keeping just enough distance so their arms wouldn't brush together. Cheryl waited on the front step to wave good-bye. “Are you okay?”

Watching Trevor buckle Anna into her car seat, Jenna sighed. “I said too much. I think I embarrassed him.”

Alan glanced over at Trevor, then stopped Jenna, taking her arm. “Don’t let your parents’ issues be yours, Jen. You’re different people. Remember that.”

“They are my issues, Alan. We’re supposed to learn from the past, right?”

“Learn, yes. But, Jen…”

“Don’t. Okay, just don’t. I can’t deal with more lectures right now. I’m just tired and I want to go home.” She pulled away and went to her car door, ignoring Trevor’s curious looks shooting between her and Alan. Opening the door, she started to get in, then looked back at him. He hadn’t moved. He just stood there, waiting. She sighed again. Returning, she wrapped her arms around his waist, apologizing and letting his voice calm her.

“You can call any time you want to talk, Jen.” He moved away, calling across to Trevor. “Don’t wait for a special occasion next time. We’re always here if you want to get out of that horrendous city.”

Trevor grinned, nodding. “And when you want to remember what a real city is….”

Alan chuckled. “Have a good trip home. Let us know when you get in.” He walked up to the car with Jenna, held the door, gave the kids another farewell, and told her to get more sleep.

She watched him, standing beside the driveway as they pulled away. Part of her wanted to stay there, with Alan, where nothing was expected from her, where she didn’t have to get up and go to work the next morning, where she felt more settled than she had at home recently.

Staring out at the houses along the hillside, on the little road that wound through Peoria’s suburbs, she thought about having a house with a yard. No stairs or elevators to get to her door. Room for guests. Walls she could paint freely. She thought of the loft. They should have visited Carrie, who was still renting it from her. But there hadn’t been time. And Jenna wasn’t comfortable there anymore, either, since it had been redecorated and didn’t look much like Daniel’s loft any longer.

Her eyes flowed along the Illinois River as they crossed McCluggage Bridge, seeing the dirty river again as if standing in the window of the loft, watching for the Julia Belle that could no longer come. Her trees were all bare, stripped by winter’s frosty fingers. They were still beautiful, gracefully powerful. If she were to ever have a house, the yard would be bordered by maples, and maybe a few apple trees. Apricot trees were possible, too, only because of her memories of the one hanging over the Taylor’s driveway that made everyone watch their step during the summer when they splatted on the ground. She supposed she wouldn’t put it beside the driveway.

“Do you miss him more when you’re here?”

She looked over at the intrusive voice. “What?”

“When you’re in his city. Does it bother you more?”

“Alan?”

Trevor’s raised eyebrows told her she answered wrong. “Daniel, Jenna. I was just wondering if being in his city made it harder.”

“Oh. I wasn’t….” She stopped, not exactly being able to say she wasn’t thinking about him, though she hadn’t been at the moment.

“What were you thinking so hard about?”

She looked back out the window. They were off the bridge but she still caught glimpses of the river through the trees, whenever buildings didn’t block the view.

“Alan?”

Jenna returned her gaze, silently. His tone sounded accusatory.

“He’s who you miss?”

“Trees. I was thinking about the trees, and the river. I miss my trees, Trevor, the way I used to sit at the window and be able to see hundreds of them. How I could watch them change during the seasons. I miss that.”

“You’re not happy in Chicago?”

She paused. Yes, she supposed she was. More so before he started holding the marriage thing over her head. Before she realized it was starting to come between them. But that had nothing to do with where they lived. “Yes, I’m happy in Chicago. I just miss my trees. It’s not a big deal.”