Straight No Chaser

Women's Shmib

the prompt, actually, was "chivalry versus chauvinism," or so i understand, but right now i'm feeling too jaded to speak positively on that. today men suck, as far as i'm concerned. (grim, this doesn't include you; i still believe in you. but you are an anomaly.) an immature and oversimplified assessment, of course, but it's the best i can do. there's a "why i love black men" poetry reading on campus tonight, and my friends are going, and ordinarily i'd go too, but, honestly, i'm not in support of any sort of man-worship tonight.

i'm not a feminist. i'm not an anti-feminist either, but i do believe in celebrating the basic differences that give men and women their harmony; i believe in the de facto existence of gender roles; i believe that there are few things more beautiful than that balance, when it's centered on equity and mutual respect. (before i get myself in trouble, this has NOTHING to do with sexuality.) i totally support all the strides women's libbers have made toward eliminating sex discrimination, and my personal lifestyle is completely contingent on rights women simply didn't have fifty or even thirty years ago. i'm a moderately "girly" girl myself, but i don't pass judgment on any of the ways women choose to express their femininity.

(if this were a five-paragraph essay, any english professor would flunk it after that muddled paragraph. ah well.)

so yeah, i think women are potent and powerful in general and individual ways.

but men are too. i have a dad and a brother who's a young man now; i've had grandfathers and uncles and scattered male cousins; i've had male friends; i have marcus. there are plenty of men i love and have loved; plenty of men i trust not to hurt me; plenty of men whose company i genuinely enjoy. but i don't know a single one who has never consciously or at least unapologetically hurt a woman who cares about him. that's not even a generality; i can't think of a single one. in that respect, growing up with a brother has been invaluable; he tells me what to expect and his prophecies are almost always dead-on.

this is why it's so crucially important for us to maintain strong female friendships. again, i'm not one to knock anyone else's lifestyle, but i do wonder about those girls who claim to "get along better with guys," who have no mainstay female friends, who can always be seen at the center of a crowd of males. because, as much as i love marcus, and i do, i really do, even though he is currently whittling away at my patience and self-esteem, i can't imagine what it would be like if i didn't have meg too. and krystle. and even treesje, who despite her usual ineptitude displayed this week that she is good for something.

marcus is brilliant. marcus is insightful. marcus has amazing intellectual and analytical powers, and grasps even complex concepts with an ease that i have to envy sometimes. but try as i might, i will never be able to explain to him exactly why he makes me cry. he doesn't understand why i place so much stock in his opinion of me, or why i sometimes need reassurance that i am ONE of his zillion priorities. he can't figure out why our relationship means just as much to me as my academic success, or ranks among my greatest college accomplishments. he doesn't understand why a good kiss feels better than acing a midterm, or why i feel crushed when he cancels on me. and he doesn't understand what i consider one of the simplest concepts of all--that he is, in essence, the limiting reagant for the quality of my days.

in other words: take a day that seems to go right from sunup. good food in the cafeteria, great class discussions, positive interaction with teachers, hefty (har) tutoring paycheck, smooth social dynamics, productive afternoon meetings, bonding with krystle. if he calls and is mean to me, or forgets to call, or backs out of our evening together, IT IS A BAD BAD DAY. and i will probably go to bed crying, and stare at the ceiling unable to sleep for hours, and remain miserable until our next positive experience. likewise, a terrible day that ends with a perfect expression of his love for me? definitely not terrible at all; a very good day.

meg gets it. krystle gets it. even treesje gets it, and she's too dumb to realize she's being cheated on as we speak (further evidence to support my aforementioned thesis). but marcus, who typically understands me better than anyone, does not understand.

okay, men don't suck. like i said, there are plenty i really love, and i'm grateful to have them in my life. but, you know. the potential for pain is always there.