The gallery (2013)

RW1-Chapter 1

Chapter One

Jenna stood in Trevor’s studio, staring at a canvas she’d started months before. It wasn’t good. She supposed she should try to work on it again eventually. She also supposed she shouldn’t think of the room as Trevor’s studio, since it had begun as hers. It still was, somewhat, but mostly she used it as a place to store the unopened mail and to sit and write out bills. Trevor actually used it as a studio.

She had been doing some sketching, so she hadn’t completely pulled away from her art. But between her job and the kids and … and Trevor…. Jenna had to admit that although her boyfriend was encouraging and inspiring, he also lessened her interest in her own art. It wasn’t competitiveness, as it had been with Daniel, but she put so much of her interest and passion into their relationship, her art just didn’t seem as necessary. Contentedness wasn’t great for an artist’s soul, she guessed. But she wouldn’t change it for anything.

Going over to sit at her desk, she started looking through the piled-up mail. Garbage, mainly. Opening anything that needed to be torn up before disposal and dropping it into the basket by her feet, Jenna let her thoughts linger on her boyfriend.

He was beginning to grow in stature within the Chicago art scene. People recognized his name, but only those people who really followed local artists. Part of Jenna hoped it wouldn’t get farther than that. A selfish thought, she knew, but she’d been there. She’d been a famous artist’s wife, and she had no interest in being there again. Of course, it wouldn’t be quite the same. She and Trevor weren’t married. Jenna wasn’t sure if that would make it better, or worse. But it was the way she wanted it. Not married. Just together because they wanted to be together.

Finishing the stack of mail, setting aside anything that needed further attention, she stood again and wandered over to the large windows that remained uncovered. Dusk was considering taking over the sky. They should be back; Trevor and the kids. It would be getting too cold for the babies. Well, not babies, really. Aaron was three already and Anna was turning two in a couple of days. Already. It hadn’t seemed that long.

With a sigh, she stared down at the cars, half-expecting to see Trevor turning the corner. Parking was easier on the side street that ran along the East side of their apartment building, the side that provided a window into the studio. Jenna had chosen the apartment because it was in the corner, allowing the sun to come in from two directions. The other was in their living room. She didn’t like that the kids didn’t have a window in their room, or that she didn’t have one in her bedroom, but they weren’t in those often, anyway. They all tended to hang out in the … she supposed she should call it a family room, instead of a living room. It wasn’t formal as her parents’ living room was. It wasn’t great for entertaining. But they had fun there together, playing games and watching kid-TV.

It was something she never had as a child. What need was there for a family room in a house that didn’t understand the meaning of the word?

Yanking her brain away from the thought, she turned to look at her canvas again. Maybe…. An inspiration flashed at her soul, and Jenna moved in closer. Maybe that’s what it was missing.

After a quick check of the time, she shuffled through the paints on the big fold-out tray and picked up a dry palette; the one she had been using for this canvas months before. This time, though, she chose a few different colors. It was dull. Contrast might help. She didn’t need much time to get the idea started. Anna’s cake still had about fifteen minutes left to bake.

Noticing a dull ache in her legs, Jenna frowned. It hadn’t been that long…. She pulled the brush away, turning to look at the clock. “No!” Forty-five minutes. She couldn’t have been painting for forty-five minutes already!

Setting the palette and brush on the stool Trevor had bought for her to sit on while working, though she hadn’t used it more than once, Jenna hurried into the kitchen, grimacing at the smell of burned cake just beginning to invade the apartment. She shoved mitts onto her hands and pulled the pan from the smoky oven. “Damn!” Dropping it on top of the burners, Jenna stared at the mess. “Now what?”

Company was arriving early the following afternoon. She still had housework to do before then, and the cake would have to be decorated, and she hadn’t wrapped Anna’s gifts yet, and…. She turned the oven fan onto high and trudged out of the room, crossing to the window to allow the smokiness out and fresh air in. Now what? She would have to go get another cake mix. Tonight. She couldn’t possibly leave it until morning and try to do that in the middle of everything else.

Maybe Trevor would go. She didn’t want to go out. But it wouldn’t be fair. He’d already taken the kids out to give her some unwinding time before having to deal with company. It was supposed to also be preparation time, but she had sure messed that up. If she hurried, maybe she could walk to the corner store and back before they returned.

Leaving a note explaining her absence in case she wasn’t back quickly enough, Jenna threw a jacket over the old sweatshirt she was wearing and grabbed her keys, license, and just enough cash for what she needed. She didn’t like carrying a handbag while walking anywhere alone, even down to the corner, but she wanted to have identification on her just in case. Trevor didn’t like that she wasn’t more comfortable in the city and she tried to keep it from him, but it was a world away from her little hometown. She could’ve carried a bag full of money down her town’s sidewalks and never thought anything of it. At times, Jenna missed that.

Most of the time, though, she enjoyed the energy of the old city. And she loved how much there was so close. They lived far enough away from the downtown area that at the right times of the day there wasn’t a horrible amount of congestion, and when Trevor walked with her, she never bothered thinking about security. Funny, maybe, since he wasn’t much bigger than she was, and he sure didn’t look like he would be much to overcome, but it made a difference to her, anyway.

The crispness of the Chicago breeze made her pull her jacket tighter. She hoped the kids were wearing the jackets she had insisted they take. Well, Aaron would be. He tended to wear it even when he didn’t really need its warmth, most often with the hood up and tied around his chin. A security thing, Jenna supposed. She couldn’t fault him for it. That was one of the best things about fall; being able to cuddle under a thick comforter without overheating. She liked the security of it, too. Anna was more like her father, fussing every time Jenna tried to wrap her just enough to be warm. The child couldn’t stand for her movement to be restricted in any way. Winter would be interesting this year, as stubborn as her daughter was becoming.

A few leaves fluttered past her feet. Jenna looked up into the distance to find the nearest tree. Most of its branches were already bare. She sighed. There were no trees within viewing of her apartment. That was something she missed more than anything else. Fall wind was supposed to be accompanied by a flurry of all-colored leaves rushing around her as she walked, and the sound of crunching beneath her feet. It was sweeter than music to her artist’s soul.
But Trevor was a city boy. He would never be anything else. She could give it up for him. Maybe they could take a drive to Peoria before the trees lost all of their color. They hadn’t been there for quite some time.

Quickening her pace, she expected they wouldn’t. Weekends tended to be busier than weeks, with Trevor still bartending part-time, just for the joy of it, and Jenna often having shows to attend for work. She could usually get a day or two off during the week if she needed, but with Trevor teaching now, he had a harder time getting away. Resigning herself, she forced her thoughts back to the birthday party.

At least Alan would be there, with his family. She hadn’t seen him in half a year or more. They talked occasionally, when one of them found a good reason to call, but the only person she really kept up with was her favorite cousin. Karla called a lot, and sometimes Jenna did the calling. But they hadn’t seen each other since … since Daniel’s funeral. Karla and her husband had attended, but couldn’t stay long afterwards. It barely counted as seeing each other, since Jenna hadn’t been up to visiting. That time was all a blur to her. She guessed it had something to do with whatever Joan had given her to help her get through it. Her mother-in-law had managed to take care of all the details and still keep herself together. Jenna couldn’t begin to imagine how she had. If she ever lost one of her children….

She couldn’t continue the thought. Any of it.
Pushing through the little store’s door, she took a deep breath to calm herself and again focused on the birthday party. She was sure she had everything else. No. She didn’t have anything to snack on other than the veggies she’d cut up earlier. Her niece and nephew weren’t vegetable eaters, though Alan’s kids were. Finding the aisle loaded down with different types of potato chips, Jenna wondered if it was still appropriate to call Daniel’s sister’s children her niece and nephew. But that’s how she knew them. Besides, she still tended to call Daniel her husband. Not in front of Trevor, but in her own thoughts.

It was getting darker than she appreciated by the time she got back to her apartment building. Fumbling with her keys with cold fingers, she started at a sound behind her and finally shoved her way inside, pushing the door shut as soon as she was through. Then she fussed at herself for being such a nervous wreck. But she was always on edge before having company. Especially Alan.

Stepping into the elevator, she fussed at herself for that thought, too. It made no sense. Second to Trevor, Alan was her best friend. Why should it bother her to have him in her apartment after all the years that she’d spent more time at his family’s house than at her own? Because it wasn’t just her apartment. It was also Trevor’s. And her boyfriend knew what had nearly gone on between them the few months before she and Trevor started dating. He knew everything. But Alan didn’t know she’d told him. Maybe that’s what made her nervous. Jenna didn’t want Alan to know. It would make him uncomfortable.
They had let it go – she and Alan. It no longer came between them … except, that they still felt like needing a reason to call each other instead of just because. Trevor wouldn’t care. Jenna knew he wouldn’t. And Cheryl sometimes talked to her, also, when Alan called. Alan’s wife didn’t know anything about it, Jenna still assumed. And it was just as well. Nothing had actually happened. It had just almost happened.

The elevator stopped two floors below hers, opening to allow a group of women to invade the car. She spoke enough to be polite and tried to block out their conversation. Why did they have to speak so loudly in such a small, confined area? Did they honestly think they were that amusing? So they were all still single and inviting a bunch of friends over for a co-ed party. So what? They had tried to invite Trevor once, just after they’d moved into the building, but the mention of his live-in girlfriend and two children prevented a second invitation. They’d barely forced themselves to speak to Jenna since.

Picking up her grocery bags allowed them time to vacate the elevator first. One of them looked back and then swiveled her head away, making the most of her long, dark brown hair. Stick pin thin. All of them. That was what they looked like: heads on top of stick pins. What was so attractive about that?

Stop it. Jenna fussed at herself for allowing the minor jealousy she felt about their perfect hair and bodies. She’d gained weight while expecting Anna that she hadn’t lost yet. Not a horrible amount, she supposed, but enough to make her self-conscious. They were probably talking about the bag full of chips, thinking Jenna wouldn’t look that way if she would eat better. What did they know?

Setting one of the bags in front of her door, she adjusted her keys to find the one to the apartment. She hoped Trevor was home. They’d been out a long while and it was dark, and cold. And she’d missed him. On the other hand, it would be nice to get things cleaned up before he got home. There was nothing much done to show for her time alone, other than the charbroiled cake that likely still had the apartment smelling smoky since she’d shut the window before going out. Even on the fifth floor, she couldn’t let herself leave it open while away.

Pushing the door open, she noted more lights on than when she’d left and braced herself for having kids all over her legs. Instead, there was quiet, and soft music, and the same crisp smell of fresh air she’d enjoyed while walking.

Trevor looked up from the kitchen. “Hey, I was getting worried. It’s dark.”

Jenna glanced around the apartment. Toys she’d left lying about were no longer there, and the little coffee table was clear of magazines and the kids’ drawing papers that generally “decorated” it. Another aroma greeted her. Not singed cake, but edible food. “Trevor…”

“I was feeling guilty thinking you’d done everything while we were out playing.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t do anything…”

“You toasted a cake.” He grinned and handed her a wine glass. “Thought you might need this.”

She moved toward him, setting the bags on the counter to accept the glass. “I should’ve had it done. You didn’t have to do all this. I just got distracted and lost track of what time it was. I didn’t mean to leave it….”

“You were painting.”

“Yeah. And I only meant to fix the area I wasn’t happy with, but…”

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m glad you were painting. It’s been too long. And it’s coming along well – very nice, Jen.”

She kissed him, pulling in tighter with the one free arm. Her hero. It sounded corny, even in her mind, but she couldn’t help thinking of him that way. He made everything okay, always. “It’s quiet. What are the kids doing?”

“Hmm… I guess you’ll have to call Aunt Nina and ask her. I left them with her tonight and she’ll bring them in the morning. I wanted us to celebrate our daughter’s birth alone tonight, holding you quietly the way I did the night before she was born, without the contractions interfering, of course.”

Jenna paused. Overnight? She hadn’t been away from them overnight in … well, never from Anna and only a couple of times from Aaron.

“And I brought dinner.” He pulled away and opened the oven door to pull out a grease-speckled brown bag. “The oven was still kind of warm when I got home, but I think it’s cold by now. Let me throw it in to heat up while you kick your shoes off and relax.”

Watching him pull the Chinese food boxes from the bag, Jenna moved closer. The kids would be fine. She would call and tell them good night, reassuring herself at the sound of their voices. Wrapping her arms around her boyfriend from behind, she let her head rest against his back and revelled in the feel of his arms over hers, holding her in.

Giving in to his urging that she warm up with a hot shower, Jenna lingered longer than she should have. The hot pulsing water did wonders for her spirit. Everything would be fine. She would put the new cake mix in the oven after they ate and let everything else go until morning. With Trevor’s help, it would all work out.

Slipping into a baggy sweatshirt and sweat pants that almost matched, she went back out to find him. The room was dark, except for the candles glowing. Tons of candles. She couldn’t even count them. She felt underdressed in her own apartment, and blown away.

He approached, handing her the abandoned glass of wine. “A toast. To the beautiful mother of my children.” He tapped his glass against hers and took a sip. “I wanted to do this last year, but didn’t figure it would go over well since you were sick at the time.” He touched her lips.

“What is all this for?”

Trevor ran fingers over her cheek. “A thank you, for giving me everything you’ve given me.”

“Trevor…”

“Come sit down. Dinner’s warm.”