Straight No Chaser

Differences

back at my internship for the second summer in a row. i got a raise this year, so i'm getting paid exorbitant amounts of money to do absolutely nothing till i get a computer that connects to the network and a working light fixture over my cubicle. i was almost late for my first day because i very unwisely got fewer than three hours of sleep last night. fortunately, this office is one of the most lawless places i've ever been, business casual attire notwithstanding, and it wouldn't have mattered if i'd followed through with arriving late, just like it won't matter when i start slacking off and sleeping through my alarm every morning.

everything is pretty much exactly the same as it was last year. i have a different desk, conveniently adjacent to that of the single most annoying coworker to profane the company with his presence. he's one of those over-the-shoulder parasites that's perfect for making fun of; he brings out my cruel inner child because he totally prostrates himself before ridicule, and has a name that lends itself readily to mental butchering. he asks too many obvious questions, tells too many non sequiter stories, and steals too many of my office supplies to be taken seriously.

sadly, there's no one with whom i can ally myself on this matter. i'm the only intern, and all the other twentysomethings here are apparently petrified of me. one flirted with me last year, and i get the impression management put him on the chopping block for it, because these guys would seemingly rather scale the side of the building with grappling hooks than be seen with me in an elevator. so i have no friends, only a floating-head boss and some much older colleagues who think it's cute that i don't remember the great property tax hike of 1989. which is what "we" talked about for a very literal two hours this morning while we waited for tech support to show up.

everything else is pretty much the same. i'm lonely but not as terminally freezing as i was last year, when the air conditioner was broken. they gave me free pens and notepads and i immediately put them to good use, tackling the prompts for some of the contests i'm going to have to enter if i want to keep my upgrade past june. i feel compelled to spray everything with 409 before i touch it, because weird things happen here. i fantasize about blazing romances between the unlikeliest coworkers, and about sneaking out to take a nap in my car. my heart leaps when meg text messages or emails, and i die a little inside every time i look out over the sea of cubicles (ooh, pop quiz, which of the stories in my fiction folder was based on my previous summer at this office?) and remember what it was like to work on the fun side of the building, instead of in this all-too-cozy lovenest with the aforementioned annoying colleague.

four hours later, it's finally almost time to go home. i'm trying to distract myself from the sleepiness with thoughts of marcus, who decided that the two of us must be "in heat" this week for all the trouble we've had concentrating. i say it's just that it's been too long since we've seen each other. did i mention i'm going for a visit to shreveport in a couple weeks? i soothe myself to sleep every night by chanting that. or, not literally, but i am looking forward to it. today while taking the office tour i caught myself identifying what would be the best spots to make out in, and i thought to myself, is this what my mind has become? just a place to daydream about marcus ramming it into me? so then i pulled myself together because an admission like that would validate his UNSOLICITED conclusion that i'm as perpetually salacious as he is, and i don't believe that.

...so she rambled, and suddenly felt compelled to add, make no mistake; i'd give up every square inch of his body to hold onto a single drop of his soul. but i get plenty of talk time on the phone at night. our connection has been established, tested and proven strong. sooooo i don't see where it's so bad to want to kiss him a little bit, when i haven't in over three weeks.

speaking of physical crudity, today i reviewed a poll that i found needlessly raw in its verbage, and told the author so. here's the review i sent:

"...[a poll] is a great way to inform your stories, but you're going to alienate potential voters with your wording. The words you've chosen are unequivocally vulgar, and unnecessarily so. I wouldn't mind answering a question like this if I didn't feel disrespected just reading it. Remember to keep your audience in mind--you're addressing women, and while some may be amused or unoffended, others would probably appreciate a more tactful edit.

~shannon"

to which the author responded:

"Thanks Shannon,

I get so peed off with 'holier than thou's' commenting, giving me one star, and complaining, I do it to annoy them.

I have had 8 of the few comments I received on my children's Ticanita stories complaining that they are disgusting, etc., etc. They start off with Tish and her lolipop.

FOR GOD'S SAKE! They are stories for innocent kids. (Children DO enjoy lolipops like that. I did.) They are NOT for biggotted, tunnel-visioned, foul-minded,prudish hypocrits to read evil into."

i...don't understand. i mean...the latter two paragraphs are pretty much irrelevant, because i haven't read or reviewed the stories in question. what seems ambiguous is that first paragraph--i gave three stars, not one, so i don't think i fall into the "holier than thou" category, but then, why did i get the rest of that diatribe? maybe that's actually a sincere thank you, but for what? i told the author his/her poll was vulgar.

now i'm not rambling so much as falling asleep at my keyboard, so i'm going to give it a rest until i find a solid half hour to start on the next prompt. not the love one. i'd probably say evil things. "love is the single most crippling thing ever to happen to mankind," or some such. or, if caught in the opposite mood, "love is a meadow bordered by english gardens, perfumed with the crystalline scent of azaleas." so i'll refrain, and maybe come back to it when i'm awake enough to remember what love actually is.

grim's back!

and, hi shmeg.