Straight No Chaser

Emerald Green

jumping on the "one hundred things about me" bandwagon. with no further ado:

1. i have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy or a forty-five-year-old barfly, i can't decide which. i'm amused by every inappropriate joke you can imagine, but i never laugh out loud in big groups.

2. i'm extremely phobic of anything to do with the ocean; i fear its vastness, its depth and the creatures that live in it. under the right circumstances i can induce a panic attack by thinking of either the mariana trench or the tremendous water pressure on the seafloor.

3. my seventeen-year-old brother is my favorite person in the world.

4. i have no patience for stupid people. this includes our current president. i was raised among liberals, but in his first term he singlehandedly cemented my identification as a democrat.

5. i love the smells of pool chlorine, industrial-strength bleach, tilex and most other cleaning supplies. other people complain these smells make them sick; they just make me hungry. when i was little i wanted sponges for christmas, and when i finally got them i'd get them wet and then suck on them while i watched cartoons or did my homework. if the baby-sitter thought it was weird, she never said anything.

6. i constantly worry that i'm failing my parents.

7. at five years old, i already knew everything i know today about sexuality (except what i've learned from experience). i had a big problem with spouting off my knowledge under the most inappropriate circumstances, even though generally i was a very timid kid. i think i could probably sense that it was the one topic guaranteed to get a reaction.

8. my fictional fantasy husband is maxim dewinter from rebecca.

9. i was a diehard x-phile for about about five years, and was immensely disappointed with the way the show fell apart at the end. scully was my most prominent intellectual hero for most of high school, and i came very close to turning into a fanfiction junkie when i discovered the gossamer project online. i can name almost every episode from at least the first eight seasons (as well as plot summaries, crucial story arcs and production gaffs from each one), and my all-time favorites are "per manum," "triangle," "post-modern prometheus," "bad blood" and "jose chung's from outer space," in no particular order.

10. i cringe each and every time i hear the word "mine's."

11. for most of my pre-college i was the only black kid in the class, or one of few. my eleventh grade government teacher used to say, "shannon, as the only black student in this class, and a female at that, can we have your take on this?" it's never easy to be the different one. i really can't tell whether that prolonged experience made me stronger. for what it's worth, i did choose a historically black college. i needed a four-year break from isolation.

12. in spite of my academic background, people routinely show surprise when they find out how articulate i am. this doesn't really bother me anymore, because it only takes seconds to set them straight, but i do wish i could find a way to change it.

13. i've had more orthodontic surgery than anyone i know. both my brother and i have our father's small mouth and our mother's big teeth. i wore braces for, literally, eight years, and still had to have four permanent teeth removed to make space for their neighbors. i'll probably still have to get my wisdom teeth out if they keep hurting like this.

14. i didn't understand love till i met marcus.

15. i have very tiny, remarkably neat, serial killer handwriting. my favorite word to see written in it is my first name.

16. i believe in encouraging kids to read, but i resent the wild success of the harry potter series. yes, the books are whimsical, interesting and reasonably well-written, but i can't agree with the critics who laud them, saying "finally! we've found something children will read!!" it's great that kids are reading them, but i'd rather see a series that turned them onto reading itself, not one that got them hyped up to go see its own movie adaptations. not to mention that in twenty years i've read COUNTLESS amazing books for kids of all ages, and have yet to see some of my favorites--among them, the phantom tollbooth--turned into quality films. makes me grumpy.

17. i love vegetables, especially broccoli, bean sprouts and sun-dried tomatoes. i also love most kinds of asian food, particularly thai and cantonese. my favorite restaurant is pf chang's.

18. i don't intend to join the "mile-high club," but i'd like to make love in a forest someday.

19. i'm an aquarian, which means my personality is supposed to be in constant flux, but in fact, barring obvious maturational changes, i'm one of the more constant people i know. i still have the same basic interests today that i did when i was in elementary school, and my values haven't changed significantly since then either. so, i don't know. maybe i was born under the wrong sign. i do like to swim though.

20. this entry is named after my favorite color.