Distant Voices

Men, balls, and all

Whats the use, I am finding that everything in life is so useless.

I must be depressed, or going threw some weird depression. Talking to people on the telephone is such a waste of time. All I do is find out what is going on in their life, be happy for them and really have nothing to say about what is going on in my life, because their is nothing going on.

So now all I want to do is hang up, why bother calling, I don't even understand why they bother to call me when half the time they have nothing to say except for stupid shit which I don't give a rat's ass about.

Not only are these people become useless in my life but so is the fucked up husband.. the other day I was sitting in the car just thinking about the week ahead and how I have nothing to do.. and he asks me "What you thinking about?" I said "Nothing" but he kept insisting me to tell him.

So I did..

I went on about how bored I am, how the kids are bored so they are driving me crazy that their new hobby is to use toothpaste to color my walls, I dont mind cause at least my house smells like mint. But still the fact that we have to wait all week until the weekend for him to take us out is tiring.. and that he should think of something for us to do, not only me but the children too...

Do you know what he said!

"Get over it Warda, your the one who is bored and depressed their is nothing wrong with the kids and your the one who is making a big deal about everything, I am fed up of your complaining. You have been nagging and bitching for the past two months and you should just change your attitude!"

Now I am thinking if he was going to throw all that back in my face what the hell did he ask me what I was thinking of?!! and why the hell would he say "Let it out it will make you feel better?!!" when in reality he made me feel worse than shit afterwards...

Everyone is uselesssssssssssssssssss... Even my old friends, what is the use of them, I have nothing to say to them anymore, and in reality whats going on in their life is of no intrest to me. If something was remotely intresting the minute I hang up I think how depressing my life is.

I am so tired of all this.. I have started taking all my old pills that I had during my therpy session, and anything else I could find.

Bye