Orion's Testicle

Chapter 2- Alexia's Parents

When Alexia reached her home yesterday she was hardly surprised too see that her father had once again blown half the house off. She wouldn't have even thought anything of it usually, but this time, the left half had blown off, instead of the right. She was thankful that she'd at least have a room to sleep in this time.
Out of the recently disturbed dust her father stumbled out cheerfully, and noticing Alexia's return, formed a big smile.
"Hullo Alex how was your day out with Meg?" he said, rubbing his hands together smugly.
Alexia was surprised; usually he'd be in an absolute fume about his failures.
"Erm… yeah, was great. Fat security guard though." She replied.
"And I presume you once again left him an insulting note?" he smiled.
"I always do," She smiled back. "But we always sign it as Patrick, so we never get caught. Why are you so happy? Usually you're contemplating homicide when you blow up the house."
"Well, not only did I blow up your mums' kitchen, saving us from her poisoned meals, but I also finally had a successful experiment. It's quite influential too. I've invented something pretty cool."
He glanced at his watch.
"Ouch, looks like the 'trouble and strife' will be back any minute now." He looked around. "I'll give you ten quid if you help me get this mess sorted in the next few minutes."
Alexia thought for a moment. Ten quid meant that she could go out tomorrow as well.
"Okay, what do you want me to do?"
"Run over there and press that switch for me would you, angel?"
"As long as you don't call me angel, yes." Said Alexia.
She ran over to the switch, and pulled it upwards. In the flashest of flashes, a new left side of the house was made, and new appliances were brought up mechanically from the basement. It was a very quick manoeuvre which amazed Alexia. She glanced at her father.
"Possibly the best invention I ever made," he said. "It has been definitely worth it, knowing my line of work."
"Speaking of inventions, what did you say you'd invented?" said Alexia.
"Oh, it's really really cool." He said with a smile.
"Yes… so what does it do?" said Alexia.
"It's really cool inside."
"Yes I can imagine it is, but what does it do?" She said, getting slightly annoyed.
"That's what it does; it keeps itself really cool on the inside." He said with a smile.
"Wow…coolness. What's the point in that?"
"To keep other stuff cool, obviously." He replied.
"Like a wine bottle in ice?"
"Kind of, only this works for longer."
"Weird. It sounds like it could be something big." She said, supportively.
"I know, plus I can now keep my alcohol cool. I call it the Recoolerator, or the recooler for short."
"Nice, can I try it out?" yeah, sure, there's a bottle already in it; I'll show you to it."
He dragged Alexia into the house and placed her in front of a large, silver metal box, plugged into the electricity mains.
Alexia's father looked at her expectantly. She shrugged, and opened the recooler's door, and felt a whoosh of cool air in her face. She stepped back a little, and looked at her dad in amazement. She took a bottle of beer and felt the cool drips of condensation on it.
"Wow! This is pretty cool! It can keep this bottle of beer cool for this long?"
"More then one bottle." He said smugly.
"Wow, can't wait to tell Mum!" she said excitedly.
"Me first, I need to get back in her good books." He laughed. "Here's your money by the way."
As he handed the money, Alexia looked surprised.
"All I did was flick a switch."
"Yeah, but I don't know if I hooked it up right. It almost killed me last time; I'm not going near it without knowing it is safe."
Alexia looked shocked.
"So I could have died?" she exclaimed.
"No, of course not…you might have got a bit of a shock or maybe knocked unconscious. But hey! At least you got a tenner for it!"
Alexia stormed off in annoyance, and walked into her room.
Her room was a dimly starlit sphere, with a small walkway into the middle, and a singular window at the end. Attached to the sides of the sphere were her bed, her bedside table, and her mirror. None of these were particularly exciting; however, they were nailed to the wall for a reason. Quite inconspicuously in the corner was a small box, which when opened would reveal a small switch.
Pressing this switch would strip the entire room of gravity. This was of course something Alexia enjoyed doing very much. Especially whilst bathing, which was precisely what she was about to do.
Now due to her fathers' excellent mechanical skills, and with the family being rather well off, Alexia had both a bath and a shower in her room. Turning them on, she let the cold water flow downwards into the drain at the bottom of the sphere. As soon as the water became hot, she ran over to the gravity switch and flicked it.
With a dull hum, the gravity in the room began to fade, and she felt herself become weightless. At the edge of the room she saw the water rise, a glittering cloud of transparency. She took of her clothes and cast them into the air.
Now naked, she tucked her legs up and drifted slowly towards the eerily hovering water, and let it wash over her. She felt warmth over her skin, and she shook the water droplets of, and they scattered into the air.
She turned the hot tap on again and water rushed out like bubbles from an underwater geyser. They hovered around the room eerily and Alexia floated towards them and felt the refreshment of the hot water clouds over her body. She let her hair get wet until it was dripping with moisture, then she decided it was time she stopped to get dry. Floating over to the towel rack near her bath, she grabbed the largest towel and made for the gravity switch. She pressed it with the dry part of the towel (like her father, she was a firm believer in electrical safety) and watched as the floating clouds turned to momentous waterfalls and then fell into the gutter below.
As soon as she had got dressed again, her mother was walking up the stairs and knocking on her door.
"Hi angel, how was your day? Sorry, can't stop for chat, I and your father are going out for….erm…a conference… about his new invention. We won't be back until morning, so here's a hundred pound, our mobile number and the house keys. Don't go doing anything stupid. And if you're not in bed by twelve, come home."
She said all this with extreme pace and clarity. She spoke again.
"Also, Meg's just rang, apparently she's having a 'homework get-together' with all of your classmates, which I assume is some lame code for a house party. I'm absolutely okay with that, but promise me you'll help Meg tidy up if it gets messy huh?" She spoke in that same clear voice again.
Alexia took a moment to take all this information in.
"Yeah, sure mum, but I've nothing to wear, my clothes got wet today from floatboarding." She complained.
"Don't worry, there's fresh party gear in the airing cupboard. If you need anything else, go buy it." Her mother replied.
With that her mother shut the door, leaving Alexia utterly delighted, if slightly freaked out. She knew full well that her parents weren't going to a conference but where in fact going to a romantic dinner, then back to a hotel somewhere to enjoy a chilled, ice cold beer and make love to each other. Still, this is understandable, as the authors' family friend once said:

"When you're our age, Andrew, sex becomes a choice, a choice between sex, and Hob Nobs. Hob Nobs usually wins."

Back to the realm of storytelling, however.
Alexia was already on the phone to Megan.
"You're having a house party!?" she cried down the phone.
"Yeah!" she cried back down. "Mum and dad have gone out, celebrating my dads' new invention. It heats food from the inside out without any fire."
Alexia got a weird feeling of déjà vu.
"Okay, I'll be right over."
Going downstairs, she found her parents had already left.
Changing into her incredibly cool party gear her mother had prepared, she set out into the street, and turned at the corner for the newsagents.
Alexia walked straight into Scottle's chest. She fell back.
Scottle grabbed her in an instant, to stop her from falling.
She looked up, dazed. Noticing whom her 'saviour' was she stepped back, embarrassed.
"Oh my Guitar, I'm sorry." She blushed.
"It's absolutely fine; I was in a rush to-"
"A house party??" Alexia burst out.
Scottle realised who it was.
"Yeah. My friend told me to be there." he explained. "Are you going?"
"Yeah...it's Meg's party." Alexia said.
There was a silence like the silence when two shy people are trying to talk to each other.
Scottle broke it.
"Oh...sod it. Will you be my girl this evening?" he broke out.
Alexia's faced looked as if it had been slapped with an icy herring, which indeed it had, on an earlier part of Alexia's life. but that is another story for another time.
Alexia had to think a long time before she answered. Honest.
"I sure as hell yeah would!" she cried.
Scottle smiled like he had just been slapped across his face with a rainbow (The author apologises for his simply repetitive use of simile, however he is in quite the 'slappy' mood as he writes this).
"Ok. Then I best get with the formalities then. You look lovely this evening! Can I walk you to the party?" he replied back.
"Thank you." Alexia said in mock manners. "One would love you to walk me."
"Good stuff." he pronounced.
And so they both walked off with each other with huge smiles on their faces, in the direction of Meg's house.
They arrived after a few minutes talk about 'The Importance and Relevance of Vietnamese Myths'. Before they went inside, Scottle took a look through the window and saw the crowds silhouetted against the light from inside.
"Okay, this is just in case I don't get another chance to tonight." He whispered to Alexia.
He leaned over and kissed Alexia on the lips, leaving her utterly stunned.
She wobbled into the porch.
"YOU PRICK!" a girl shouted at Scottle.
"You complete and utter prick!" said the girl. She was attractive and slim. "How dare you show your face here!"
she slapped him forcefully. She really did aswell, it's not just the authors' bad metaphor.
"What??what the hell was that about?" he shouted.
"It's me, boner brain. Cassidy." She said. "Why the Fret didn't you call me?"
"Call you? why would i call you after you stood me up like that?" Scottle said.
"Duh, I was seeikng if you really liked me, dumbass. I never like actually go for first dates, the guy has to call me when I don't show up. It's a whole loyalty thing."
Alexia imagined doing cruel things to Cassidy, she seemed such a bitch.
Cassidy seemed to sense Alexia's anger, and turned to her.
"you certainly must have low standards, girl, if you're with this guy. He doesn't even call. I could have been dead in a ditch for all he knew."
If this had carried on, there would have been quite a heated arguement. Fortunately, Patrick's arrival broke the tension, in a rather unusual way.
As he came through the house gates, he butted his groin, a sound like stones being hit against one another echoed from his pants.
Cassidy found this disgusting, and walked off in a small tantrum. Alexia looked at Scottle, and was hurt to see a small tear in his right eye. She nudged him softly.
"Come on, don't let her get you down. that was just mean what she said, not all girls are like that...I'm definately not." she said softly. "Please be happy, or I'll cry." she smiled.
Scottle smiled too. he wiped the single tear from his eye.
"Okay, just to stop you blubbering, though."
They leaned into each other for a kiss, but were quite spontaneously interuppted by Patrick.
"Hey guys, you'll never guess what. I woke up from Band practice with the most unusual disease." he said. Noticing Scottle, he spoke again.
"Are you her man for this evening?"
"Yes I am." Scottle replied.
"Well, Alexia's bra size is 32C, she's known for being uptight, but when she's had three or four pints, she's-"
"Patrick!!" she screamed.
"He he, I'm only joking...."he paused. "She's a 34C really."
Patrick fled inside the house.
Now, when a girls' bra size is publicly revealed like such to her boyfriend like this, it is quite common for the girl to become overcome with embarrassment, which is exactly what Alexia did.
Of course, when that same boy's girlfriend's bra size is publicly revealed in a situation like this, it is also quite common for the boy to get quite aroused, which is exactly what Scottle did.
He leaned over and kissed Alexia passionately.
Ten minutes later, they were still 'going at it', but Alexia's coat had been long taken off, and Scottle had an ever so quick fondle of Alexia's breasts. This was unfortunately interrupted, by Megan's goldfish flying out of the window, which Scottle caught, fortunately. A few seconds later, a rather exhausted Meg came running out of the house.
"Oh Alexia, thank Guitar your here, Patrick's lost his glasses, and he's been acting rather queer, he's already tried to make 'sweet love' to the toaster, subjugate the other party guests, and he's just locked himself in the bathroom, thrown the goldfish out of the window, and now he's refusing to come out until it can be proved unquestionably that he's not a ferret."
Alexia blushed and gestured at Scottle.
"Holy Plectrum! You two are together this evening?"
They nodded softly, and smiled, then hugged each other.
Meg tried to express her utter and complete delight as best she could.
"Cool."
Alexia kissed Scottle on the cheek.
"Shall we go in then?" she whispered.