A journal about my life with a compulsive gambler and drug addict |
After my older sister was born my mother became ill and was on her death bed with cancer. At the last minute one of her doctors gave her an experimental drug which gave her back to us. That was 40 years ago and although she was often sick when I grew up she somehow always managed to get through. Three years ago she developed lung cancer and had part of her lung removed. The operation seemed to be a success and we thought we had been Blessed once again. Two years ago she started getting dizzy and her vision was blurred. After months of living like this they finally discovered that she had brain tumours. The night we found out I cried myself to sleep and cried throughout the night but we were hopeful and thought that it would all be ok. SHe went to a specialist and was told that she only had six months to live with treatment, two without the treatment. I was devastated but still thought that we might be given another miracle. She went for two weeks of treatment, the entire time worrying about everyone at home. I had a bad cold and she was just devastated that she wasn't home to help me with the kids. When she returned home she was tired, weak, and very sick. After two weeks of this we took her to the hospital because she was dehydrated. I spent the days with her and my other family went down at night, she was slowly getting better. On Monday I woke up early because I was going to spend the day with her. Before daylight my sister and my father stopped in and even though it was so early in the morning, I had no idea what was happening. I guess I was just in denial. She had passed away an hour ago. My place became the centre of activity, the family and neighbours who brought food, flowers, gifts and gave us strength through their love and support. I was so busy taking care of coffee, feeding everyone and seeing to everyone's needs that I didn't have time to break down. I'm not complaining, that was how I needed it to be, I had to be strong. My husband took my mother's death very hard but at the same time was a tremendous support for all of us. My sister had just found out her husband was having an affair so my husband was the only stable support we had. It opened my eyes once again to the good side of him, something I hadn't seen in a long time. |