Straight No Chaser

Girlfight

tina punched out to go home an hour ago, and her phone has been ringing nonstop ever since. not tina who always beats me at literati. tina who sits in one of the cubes in the row next to mine, who calls an average of ten homes an hour and says "good [morning/afternoon], this is tina from verizon, calling on behalf of your dsl." which drives me crazy, because you can't perform an action "on behalf" of an inanimate...concept. (dsl isn't even an object.) am i wrong about that? she should say "calling about your dsl," rather than giving english-savvy customers the idea that their dsl is sitting beside her in her cube, whimpering softly into a handkerchief, grateful for tina's intervention.

lunch was good but lasted entirely too long. after the sexy half-black, half-japanese server got through with us, i was entirely ready to go, but evidently my coworkers never tire of rehashing old business trip stories, so we sat there for about two hours total. boring. i did lots of daydreaming.

highly evolved and i have concluded that if we ever did try to arm wrestle, we'd both end up collapsing into a feeble heap on the ground before we ever got anywhere. which is fine because i don't like propagating violence among nice people. other people, sure. i keep having this one daydream about feeding my lan cord down jim's throat, programming the computer to send spontaneous jolts down into his gargantuan stomach and sitting by, watching, as he got progressively more frazzled. i keep catching him rifling through my things when i get back from little errands, notebooks mostly, pretending like he's looking for a bunch of formulas i jotted down for him last week, but i know i tore those out and gave them to him. i don't know what joy he could possibly get from snooping through the personal effects of a twenty-year-old girl. so far as i can tell, his only interests are work, beer and his own obesity, and he's not going to find mention of any of the three amid my drafted letters to marcus and story notes. i'm really not a violent person, i don't believe in or condone violence and most of the time i don't have cause or reason to perpetrate it, but i really feel like i could puncture his stubbly neck with something. god i hate him.

the union people are all wearing red today, like they do every thursday, their weekly show of solidarity. i don't think this is their strike summer, but that'd be fun to watch. today i'm picturing some of the louder ones throwing chairs, using management folks (lalala JIM) as battering rams to break through the cube walls, splinter the--i don't even know what it is, metal + plastic or something--into flammable planks and start a giant bonfire in the middle of the quickly emptying floors. after the move they're going to rent this building out to the prince george's county school board. all those educators are going to be disgusted when they see what filth lurks beneath the carpet. every time someone spills something gross they just slap a new square over it.

someone brought donuts today. the technicians have this hangup where they won't eat anything management provides--some borderline violation of their underground pact or something. that's my guess, but granted, i know nothing about the workings of the union. anyway, they will snub management-purchased donuts, even going so far as to run out and buy more, and add them to the box just to make a point, but if someone writes "do not eat--management" on the box top, they can't suck them down fast enough. thrill of the hunt or something.

in fact, maybe i am a violent person. even if i've never actually hit anybody (that i can remember), i do wonder what it would feel like, and while i can't stand loud noises, i do like the ones that suggest things crunching and squishing, and violent sex sounds great in theory, though maybe less great in reality. i hate to kiss marcus from on top. i enjoy physical contact ten thousand times better when i feel stuck and surrounded.

we are now averaging something like thirty views per entry. one of those, it would seem, now comes from zooduck, which is exciting and a little frightening. the pressure to be insightful mounts with every new reader, but that's okay, i like a challenge, and now the male/female ratio for my readership will skyrocket from 2:27 to 3:27. anyway, hello, mr. zoo!

also, i was grossly negligent in not remembering to acknowledge meg's generous gift of twelve gift points yesterday morning. i love you, meg, and i'm very excited to hang out tonight.