My True Soul

This could be the beginning to something...

....Beautiful....




Okay, fine, I admit it. Fully and completely admit it. Are you guys ready for this?

I'm falling for her.

Does not mean I'm in love with her. It does not mean that I want to rush to tell her I love her. Just so we know.

I just got off the phone with her. It's 7 in the morning. I found out one of the biggest reasons she began to like me. She saw how well I handled everything with Halee. Even though I didn't really want her there, was tired of dealing with it all, got annoyed, I still did it without being mean/rude. I was not trying to impress Amanda by doing that. That was me being me.

There's a possibility that she and I might have a class together. I didn't know she was taking it, but was thinking of taking it myself. I just mentioned it to her the other night. Today, upon discussing if I should take it or not take it with another friend, lol, the other friend told me something along the lines of how we weren't going to pay attention. I laughed and said "Haha, no, she's not going to pay any attention...... to me." I told her about this. She laughed... paused... then said... "Well, yeah.... I wouldn't." In all honesty, (told her this too) I wouldn't really want to date someone who would let me distract them from something that they love as much as she does that subject. Now, lol, I would expect her to say hello and such and talk to me before/after class.

It's really quite odd with us. We're both so... against... what is considered a traditional relationship. We're both so against being so in love that it blinds us and makes us dependent upon one another. We're both not wanting to let ourselves fall again. But yet, here we are. We're not dependent, we choose to talk to one another. We do miss each other, but not to the point we can't go on. And, here I am, letting myself let go enough to fall. I think she is too. We're so not like people like Tyler. The ones who will do anything for love. But yet, here we are, both of us being the type person that would do so much for those we love. It's so contradictory.

I jokingly said I should thank Halee for coming down. Manda = "No, I really should be the one thanking her." So, I gushed. My heart did the damn swelling/warming in my chest feeling. The goofy-ass smile spreading across my face.

We were talking about how we appear from other's eyes. She appears aloof sometimes. But, when she wants people to leave her alone, she appears to be very happy. See, aloof means distant, which people think means depressed, so therefore, they must show concern, be worried etc. But, if you show them you being happy, they don't ever question that.
Just because someone appears happy does not mean that they are. Please keep that in mind, more people are like that than most people would expect.
However, after she said that, I realized that puts me in a very awkward situation of knowing that she does that and also having to trust her. I basically told her that I was just going to trust that she'd be honest with me when it came to those things. That I'd rather her tell me that she doesn't feel great and doesn't want to talk about than appear super happy and not be, or aloof. Merk, but, when she's really happy, she's quiet. But, I'm going to just trust her.

Tyler's upset because he's the only single person he knows. Wants me to get him a boyfriend. Merk.

There has been other stuff going on in my life, obviously. But not much of it bears repeating. Not much of it bears this much thought.

I think Ty's rather silly for one of his recent decisions. I'd love to be able to send Eric a housewarming gift. I'd love to write him another letter soon.

I want to order my low-top green converses. I want to get Lily a gift card for her baby. Or perhaps some clothes, etc. But, I think the gift card would just be best. That way, she could spend it on whatever she needed. I don't know how many clothes she's going to be getting, etc. already. I'm so super excited about her having her son. Seriously, today, I was thinking about her having her son. I'm so thrilled. I really wasn't until just recently. But now, it's so awesome. =) I told Critter I really couldn't wait to have children so I could teach them things. I'm so looking forward to that part.

Merk. My father should be home shortly, so, I must run.