Life with an Addict

Loser

I've been really depressed lately, I've been that way for months and can't seem to shake it. My washer broke a month ago so I've been dragging laundry everywhere and stepping over piles of it all over the place which is really getting to me but it's not "going without" that's wearing me down, it's feeling like such a loser.
My parents weren't rich or poor and they did have their share of financial struggles but they always paid their debts. My older sister lives on a very small income, yet always has her bills paid early, always has food in the house and even has a few dollars saved. My younger sister makes good money, pays her bills, is always on the go and loves to shop. I remember going shopping with her a few years ago. Her and her husband spent $500 at the Walmart on whatever they wanted; cd's, walkmans etc. That didn't bother me except that I felt bad I couldn't buy anything for my son but my sister has a good heart so she bought him a cd. However, when we walked into the grocery store something came over me and the tears let loose. I was so ashamed to be standing in a grocery store with tears running down my face. I just felt so bad that I had no money to buy groceries.
I drifted away there for a bit, now to get back to my point. We owe so much money to friends, family, utilities, etc. that sometimes I don't even want to show my face in public. I'm so scared I'll come face to face with someone we owe money to because I feel like a loser.