There must be a light under the bushel!

Ewww!

I went out to a local pub with a friend last night. I was really excited because the band scheduled to play was awesome last time I saw them. It was a rock band, but they were different because the lead singer played the violin. It created a unique sound that you don't often hear in live music. They started out with some of the cool stuff they played last time out, but then they ventured into lots of screaming stuff. What a waste! I guess they felt the need to shake things up and rock out, but I was disappointed.

So, as I lost interest in the band, I turned to people watching. There was some eye candy in the place, but more importantly, there was some amusing clientele. This woman walked up and asked me for a lighter. It just nipped at my heart strings to get that request. I replied, a tad forlornly, that I had quit a few months back, so sorry, no lighter. She then tugged on her top and abruptly said, "By the way, these aren't real." What? How did that fit into the conversation? I chuckled and refrained from comment because really, what's the appropriate comment in that situation? Every time I saw her the rest of the night I just chuckled again, so thanks lady, for keeping the laughs coming!

I was in need of the laughs after the next experience. Some girl came up to my friend and me and said her shy friend wanted to talk to us; he had just gotten back from Iraq. Even if it was a line, how can you say no? Jeez, at the least, it was an opportunity to say thanks for serving our country. Well, he walked over and I realized that I had ogled his friend earlier in the night, but it was one of those, "He's cute to look at but too young for me type of things." Of course he eventually joined our table as well, and I learned he was 25, confirmation on the too young observation. Another of their friends who was a dorky (but lovable) engineer type also joined us and he was hysterical.

So, tall, dark, and handsome struck up some conversation. He was so pretty, and he was so sweet, and those were absolutely his best qualities. He asked where I worked, and the conversation shifted to people he knew from my area. The short of this story-he had dated one of my ex-students. We started talking about her and what she was doing, and even though I'd had no intentions of anything with this boy, all the sudden I felt like a pedophile! I could have taught him, but I had ogled him earlier! EWWWW!!!

Luckily, our conversation was diverted by the word "boner" being repeatedly said by his soldier friend, and when we looked over, there were matching gestures to punctuate the "boner." Hmmm. My friend started kicking me under the table, and I realized the other guys couldn't hear the conversation, so they wouldn't be any help. Well, the gist of it was soldier boy telling a 20 minute story about boners, in particular how he could shoot cashews off of his boner into his mouth. No lie. He did it 3 out of 4 times. Then, he segued into the boner that he never wanted to end. I was laughing uncontrollably by this point. His friends started to look a little concerned. Tall, dark, and handsome walked up behind his friend and put both arms around him (in a very "I've wanted you for years but only pretended to be straight" kind of way) and asked if boner boy was okay. My friend and I quickly made excuses, thanked soldier boy for all he's done for our country, said our goodbyes to the others, and got the hell out of there.

Actually, we had a very good time. It was just one of those nights that turned up some crazy stories, and those nights are always the best!