Zee Blog

Typing by candle light.

Candle light is beautiful. In this day and age the average American uses candles for emergency use, or maybe for those romantic evenings. I used to sit with them aglow night after night as I read a book to them. Even now as I type this light up I want to close the lid of my laptop and set it aside and listen to the sound of a piano in the background and just stare into those comforting orange flames.

I am doing this tonight as a way of relaxing. An attempt to find relaxation in a place I normally don’t. A friend of mine suggested I do something like this when I feel I need to calm down. She is truly wise beyond her years.

My heart feels closer and closer to this point of renewal. Whereas only a month ago I was ready to lie down I feel myself beginning to walk. With each step I feel my heart beginning to gain momentum again. I still wish I could take a vacation but somehow things have begun to drop into perspective. It’s a nice feeling because for once in a long time it seems like I can take a firm hold to something.

I think I’ve began to understand a lot of my insomnia. I took two Tylenol PM about an hour ago and I’m feeling it clawing at my eyelids. They invite them to fall so that I might be taken into their aided rest. Yet, my mind fights it. When did I come to a point of being so afraid of sleep? Do I truly fear what hides behind these waking moments? Maybe I fear losing something.

I talked to Susan a good deal today. She is a wonderful woman and her talents are worth looking at if you get the chance. She goes under the name of susanL here at W.com and I’m sure all of you have in one way or another ran into her. She is the one that suggested I use the candles. How right she is.

Here at W.com I feel like I’ve been given the chance at a family I never had. In the world I grew up in there was no place for someone like me with such lofty dreams. Everyone is always at a rush to cut my dreams off with “Not many ever achieve that.” Through the support from you folks here at W.com I feel like that dream is not just something I can achieve, but something that is only a matter of time.

I purchased some gift points today. I’ve dispersed most of them in various gifts and merit badges. The merit badge was given to Shattered Angel. I’m sure this is a name that many are familiar with. I’m not sure how often she reads this blog, but there have been many a night where it’s one in the morning my time and she has hopped right into my portfolio to check out a new piece of mine. I’m glad I was able to honor her with a merit badge, even though people like her, susanL, and loon deserve so much more than I can ever possibly give them in return for their support.

So, with all that said I think I am going to turn in for the night. The Sandman beckons me to bed where I might be tucked away. Thank you all and good night!