Zee Blog

Taking a chance.

A friend of mine said: "Take a chance."

Over the weekend I've thought a lot about it.

I took a risk, put my hand out and grabbed it. Held onto it. Struggled, tumbled, and fell. I'm happy that I took that chance.

Yet, what a possible cost for such a chance. In my happiness it has confused some, hurt others, and gave others hope for my happiness.

I don't regret what happened. To be honest it was the best thing that has happened to me in years. In an instant so many months worth of horror were erased. The slate made clean.

My ex, Marne, took so much away from me. All things I let her take. Self-esteem, personal strength, and I gained weight in my depression. I felt like I was a monster after what I had done through neglect, or had done upon me by her's. My heart was ripped and torn, left in the bottom of a barrel to hopefully find its way out.

In a couple of hours life changed. I changed. I was whole again. I was more than whole. I haven't felt so capable in all my life.

As of right now, there is nothing more than that moment. We talked about this, talked about a possible future. Talked about a lot of things.

Even though things seem like nothing is going to happen between us two: it doesn't matter. Am I sad about it? Sure.

But she didn't take anything from me. She filled that hole, and left it filled. She didn't rip it out and then take something with her.

I apologize for those that might have disappointed. I don't, however, feel any shame for it. I just feel happy. I feel more like myself.

There you go L.E. My general "girl" post. Hee hee