Grey Matter of an Irish Aries

Delis, Guns and Alex

I guess it all started the day before it actually happened. This is the day I noticed there was something wrong with Alex. I met him for lunch in the school cafeteria as usual. I sat down at our normal table and waited there for five minutes. Alex still hadn’t shown. I remember I started getting a teensy bit worried. He hadn’t said anything about being late and lunch was his favorite subject. He had said that himself.
At the time, I wasn’t that nervous. I mean, maybe he was just getting a lecture from one of his teachers. His mouth was bigger than his head. Maybe he was outside smoking a cigarette. He did that, probably just to annoy me because he knew that I was dead against smoking. I looked outside where all the smoking kids went to do their business. I scanned the area, but no Alex. I headed back to the table, hearing my stomach growl for food. I was shocked to see Alex sitting there in the chair that he always had to be sitting in. Nobody knows why he loves that chair, but nobody really cared either.
I noticed his face the moment I sat down. It was fixed in a way that I had never seen before. He wasn’t frowning, but he wasn’t smiling, either. He seemed to be in a bad mood, with the way his eyes were narrowed and his lips were curled. I didn’t want to address the fact like he looked pissed off, so I started a nice, happy conversation.
“What’s up, Alex?” I asked, with a false grin on my face.
“Oh, nothing.” He didn’t look at me when he answered. I couldn’t tell where he was looking.
“Where’ve you been?”
“At home.”
“Doing what?”
He scowled at me. It was as if he didn’t want me asking him questions.
“Online,” he said, finally. He said it in a ‘are we done yet?’ tone.
“Why?” I knew I was being nosy, but he wasn’t supposed to leave school grounds, anyway.
“Doing research for chem.”
There was a pause then. I didn’t know how to respond. We had computers in our school that he could have used, so why did he go all the way home to do it? That thought made me feel a little weird. Something was wrong here and I knew it. I actually had doubts about where my best friend was. I didn’t believe his story for one second.
The day went on and I was feeling better. That is, until I talked to Alex online.
Are you going to the deli tomorrow for lunch?
Why? Do you want something? I sighed and put my bare feet up on the desk that held my computer off the ground.
Yeah a coke and some chips.
Okay, you have to pay for it because I’m a bit broke.
Fine.
Wait, can’t you get it?
Nope.
Oh, yeah. YOU CAN’T LEAVE! I knew that would tick him off.
Oh, you’re so funny.
Thank you.
This is where I got freaked out.
Oh, and don’t come back.
I was looking up stuff on Our Lady Peace, so I just glanced at Alex’s messages. That one, however, made me pause and wonder a bit. I pulled my feet off the desk and moved my head closer to the screen.
What? Why?
I mean, until lunch is over.
Why? What was he planning to do?
It took him a few minutes to answer. It wasn’t a very good one either.
It’s a surprise.
I hate surprises. I thought about that. I really did hate surprises and this one was just freaky. It was probably something stupid, but I had a really bad feeling that it was more than that.
I know, Lol.
What kind of surprise?
I can’t tell you.
Why?
Because! You’re annoying me!
Just tell me!
No.
Give me a hint.
Another answer I didn’t like, or expect.
Something bad is going to happen.
Like what?
Okay, now I was about two hundred percent freaked out. What was going on?
Don’t know the whole story.
What do you know?
I was typing fast now and concentrating solely on the messages I was getting from Alex.
Got to go. Talk to you tomorrow.
NO! You have to tell me.
I don’t know exactly.
Then, I heard a door closing, which was the sound of someone logging off and I knew he was gone. I knew his password and, again, I didn’t believe him. I signed off my screename and signed onto his. Right after AOL had greeted me, I clicked on the web address button. This showed the sites that Alex had just visited. I scanned the sites and I shook my head. I hadn’t heard of any of these sites. They were weird, yet they made me curious. I clicked on site called Joestals.com and waited for it to load. In my head, I was praying that Alex wouldn’t try to log back on.
Suddenly, I heard the phone ring. I had been sitting in silence, pretty much, so I nearly jumped out of my seat when I heard it. I ran to the kitchen to get the portable. We didn’t have caller ID so, I just picked it up.
“Hello?” I said, quickly. I walked back towards the computer room.
“Hey, it’s Nicole. Are you okay?” My good friend seemed concerned.
“No, I’m fine. I was on the computer and the phone scared the crap out of me,” I replied.
“Oh, okay. So, are you going to the party on Friday night at Kelly’s?” she asked. She was a total party animal.
I hadn’t even thought about Kelly’s party. She wasn’t really someone I was friendly with, but Nicole was her best friend and Kelly had invited me. I didn’t really want to go, so I decided to lie.
“Um, well me and Alex kind of have plans to see the new Star Wars flick then,” I told her.
“Oh.” She sounded a little upset, “Okay, that’s fine.”
“You’ll have fun with Kelly,” I said, reassuringly.
“Yeah, I know,” she replied, “but I wanted you to be there. We’re getting wine coolers this time!” she added.
I rolled my eyes.
“Bummer,” I told her with a fake sigh.
“So, what else is new?” She changed the subject.
“Ah, nothing. Alex won’t tell me where he was during fifth period, so I’m kind of mad at him for that.” I wouldn’t tell her the details. I was almost in the computer room, so I would hang up on her soon anyway.
I entered the room and glanced at the computer screen. As soon as I saw what was on it, I dropped the phone from the shock that I was in. I just stared at what was on that screen in horror. How could Alex go there? Why would Alex go there? A thousand thoughts sped through my mind, so fast I almost forgot about Nicole. I picked up the phone and put it to my ear.
“Nicole, you still there?’ I asked.
“Yeah, what happened? I heard a crash,” she said, her concern returning.
“I dropped the phone. Look, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, but I have to go now.”
“Why?”
I grew anxious to search the rest of the site.
“I’ll tell you tomorrow, but I have to go!”
I pressed End on the phone and I heard a dial tone.
I sat down in my seat and stared in indescribable amazement at the website’s purpose: it was a site that showed a variety of guns and how to purchase them. I couldn’t believe my eyes nor did I want to. I just couldn’t comprehend why Alex, who was usually so calm and easygoing, would check out this site.
As I contemplated this thought, another door opening sound echoed and an instant message from one of Alex’s friends appeared. I looked at the screename and saw that it was one of our friends, Brian. Knowing that he would ask questions, I panicked and immediately signed off. I returned to my screename and went back to the site to check it out. I wanted to know more about this gun site. Maybe I could get some information on why Alex would want one in the first place.
Moments after AOL told me enthusiastically that I had mail, an instant message from SLJACK22 popped up. That was Brian, the Samuel L. Jackson freak. He probably wanted to know why Alex hadn’t responded to his message.
Hey sup.
Nothing, you? I wasn’t going to tell him yet, in case I was wrong about Alex wanting a gun.
What’s up with Alex?
What do you mean? The act of innocence is a cruel thing.
I don’t know.
Did he talk to you?
Yeah, you?
Nope.
Oh.
I’ll ask him tomorrow.
I think he’s mad at you.
Why?
I don’t remember.
Oh, I’ll ask him. And have Alex find out someone, namely me, went online using his screename? I think not.
NO! He won’t talk to you. I’ll ask him before homeroom.
All right. Thanks.
He added a smiley face.
Ugh. Feeling guilty really sucks.
That night, I had a strange dream. I was at school in the cafeteria. Alex and Brian were there and we were chatting, I don’t remember what it was about. Anyway, I got up to get a drink and I heard Alex mutter, “Don’t go!” I turned around and Brian was clutching his stomach in pain. When he took his hand away, I saw a dark red substance pouring from the wound that was expanding bigger and bigger. Before I could do anything, I heard a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot and Brian fell to the ground, unconscious.
That’s when I woke up. I lay in my bed, assuring myself it was just a dream and that nothing bad was going to happen. I tried to go back to sleep but after three hours with no such luck, I heard my alarm clock go off and I smacked it, almost gratefully. I stretched my legs and got out of bed. Staring out the window, I got a queasy feeling that something bad was going to happen today. I didn’t what it was, but I was sure I would find out, the hard way.
When I was ready to go to school, I got my things and got into my car. On the way, I debated whether or not I should turn around and go home; whether I should respond to the noticeable impulses I was getting or ignore them as if they were little nothings. I arrived at school before I could make a valid decision so I had no choice, but to deal with whatever it was I was feeling anxious about.
I got to my locker and, as usual, Brian was there, waiting for me.
“Hey, I need to talk to you,” he greeted me, urgently.
“Nice to see you. Brian,” I joked, trying to hide my inner feelings.
“I’m serious. Something is wrong with Alex.” His face was humorless.
“I know,” I replied, giving in. He had probably figured it out, too.
“Did he ask you to leave school during lunch today?” he asked, suspiciously.
“Yeah.”
“Me too. Did he say why?”
“He wanted me to get him food. You?” I spun the dial on my combination lock
“That’s what he told me, but I don’t believe it.” He shook his head, “Something is definitely up with him.”
I agreed.
We decided not to leave during lunch, but make it seem like we were so we could uncover what Alex was up to.
So, fourth period came and I met Brian at his locker. We entered the cafeteria and waited for Alex. Five minutes later, he decided to show up.
I met Alex’s cold stare as he approached our usual table.
“Why haven’t you guys left yet?” he asked, bitterly.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us why you really want us gone and we’ll go!” I told him, firmly.
I knew that wasn’t part of the plan I had come up with Brian earlier, but I was getting edgy.
All he said was that something was going to happen and that he didn’t want us to be there.
“We’re your friends and we’d support you. You know that!” Brian pointed out.
Alex shook his head.
“I have to do this alone,” he said, positively.
Looking back on what I did next, I feel guilty. It was a stupid move and I shouldn’t have done it, but I was so frustrated with Alex that I wanted to get away from him.
I took Brian’s hand and I led him out of the cafeteria, leaving Alex with a permanent sigh on his face. We walked in silence to my car and as we got in, Brian faced me.
“What’s he up to?” he wondered aloud.
I shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing but not really caring either.
I drove along, thinking about how and why I was so pissed off that day until I pulled into the Seven-Eleven parking lot we got out and walked into the store. Brian sauntered over to the counter and tried to buy some cigarettes, but the cashier shook his head, not budging.
“That would be like me selling you kids guns,” he said, “all you would do with guns is run amok and shoot everyone you had a grudge against.” He chuckled.
Those words echoed in my ears and I suddenly understood why Alex wanted us to leave so badly. “Brian, get in the car.” I ordered my friend, without looking at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned but eagerly.
I pulled on his arm and he obeyed me.
When we got into the car and were zooming back to school, I told him everything. He sat next to me, unable to move due to his shock.
“I don’t believe this,” he said.
I nodded, half looking at him and still trying not to kill us in the process.
I pulled into the school parking lot and parked in the first spot available. We jumped from the automobile and raced to see if we were too late.
We were.
The main doors were locked, so we searched for another way into the school.
I noticed some open classroom windows and rushed to them. Brian climbed in first and I followed him. Once inside we sprinted down the hallways and stopped at the massive crows of people standing outside the cafeteria. Brian, already known for having a bad reputation, had no problem pushing through the swarm of teachers and students, pulling me along with him.
We saw our best friend, Alex, like we had never seen him before. He was holding a gun, the same one I’d found online, and he had it pointed at the head of another student, who I recognized as someone who was always teasing Alex because he was Jewish. The bully was on the ground in a heap, crying like a little baby and begging Alex for mercy.
“Don’t hurt me!” he whimpered.
Alex towered over him like Goliath, smirking.
“This is what you get, asshole!” he retorted, cruelly.
I couldn’t move my legs; nothing in my mind seeming like the right thing to do.
Finally, I decided to intervene. I couldn’t let my best friend make a huge mistake that would ruin his life.
“Alex! Stop, please!” I shouted, starting to move towards him.
Brian stared at me, unsure of whether or not I needed his help his help. I had known Alex longer than he had and he didn’t know what to expect in this situation. Then again, neither did I.
He twisted around and looked at me, the same sigh as before staining his face. His eyes were now bloodshot and they scared me to death. I’d never seen them like that, ever.
“I told you not to come!” he scolded. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was high or drunk. He never acted like this unless he was high or drunk and I’ve seen him as both.
“I can’t let you do this!” I told him, my eyes imploring him to calm down.
“Stay back!” he warned, pointing the weapon at me.
I froze.
“Please, Alex. Talk to me. I’m your friend.” I took another step towards him and he blinked rapidly.
“No!” he shouted.
The last thing I remember was my name being called and the sound of a gunshot. I found out later that Alex lost it and pulled the trigger twice, hitting me in the leg and shoulder. I collapsed to the ground and didn’t move. Brian said that Alex stood still, petrified, but sober. For what seemed like eternity, nobody said or did anything. But then, Brian snapped and pounced on his guy friend, wrestling him to the ground and managing to keep his there until the cops were able to capture him. They picked up a shaken up Alex and handcuffed him, having to assure him that I would be fine. I’m not sure if I believe Brian on this part, but he insists that Alex demanded to know if I was going to live.
I’ll have to ask Alex that, but I have to wait awhile until everyone’s lives have turned semi-normal. This isn’t going to be for a long time. Now, my friend is in jail and he’s not getting out for a few months. He’s not coming back to school, but he’s going to be tutored to finish up high school and get his diploma. That was always important to him, getting a decent education.
I lost all memories of Alex that day. Everything I thought I knew about him went down the drain and a whole new series of personality traits entered his body. I go to see him in prison and he tries to assure me that he’s fine. But, I can see through his naïve lies. I know that his life will never be the same. I feel guilty for leaving and helpless for not knowing how to help him.
For now, the only thing I can do is lean on Brian’s shoulder and cry.