Grey Matter of an Irish Aries

A Really Rude Awakening

Kevin woke up one morning in a foul mood. He smacked the alarm clock that was buzzing next to him, “Stupid clock,” he muttered, rising for the day. He looked at his dresser across the room. Stumbling and tripping over the junk on his floor, he managed to pull out khakis and a sweater. He couldn’t find any clean socks.
After he dressed, he headed downstairs. His mom glanced up as he walked into the kitchen.
“Mom, I need socks,” he said.
“Kevin, it’s six forty-five in the morning. Do you really expect me to do laundry right now?” she replied with just a trace of annoyance.
“But, I need them!” her son protested, desperately.
“Why didn’t you tell me last night?”
“I don’t know.”
Angrily, he retreated to his room and proceeded to tear it apart in search for socks. After a while, he gave up and put on his Adidas sandals. Sighing, he returned downstairs and grabbed a doughnut and a Snapple for breakfast. He waited for his mom to drive him to school. When they arrived at school, he asked his mom for lunch money. She handed him a five and gently suggested, “You need a job, Kevin. I’ve got three other people to support other than you.”
“”I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll get one soon,” Kevin promised, kissing her. He stepped out of the car and went into school. He headed to his locker where his best friend, Steve, was waiting for him.
“What kept you?” he asked.
Kevin sighed. “I couldn’t find any clean socks and my mom drives so damn slow.” He looked at his friend for some moral support, but found him frowning instead.
“You should get your own car,” Steve told him, matter-of –factly.
“Geez, what crawled up your butt and died?” Kevin replied, defensively.
“Kev, you shouldn’t depend on your mom to drive you everywhere. What are you going to do when you eventually get a girlfriend?” Steve needled him. He looked down at Kevin’s feet. “And when are you going to start doing your own laundry?”
“You do your own laundry?
His buddy nodded. “Or else I don’t get it back.”
They walked in the hallways until they saw Jennie McAfee. Kevin stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the angelic looking girl. Jennie was the golden goddess that every guy wanted. She was smart, class treasurer and played third base on the school softball team. She had brown hair that curved her perfect face and blue eyes that were so lovely Britney Spears would kill herself just to have them. Kevin had been head over heels for her since third grade. She picked up his pencil that he dropped on the floor and returned his ear-to-ear grin. Ah, the memories.
He didn’t know why, but he decided to ask her out. Maybe they could grab a slice of pizza or go see a movie.
“Jennie, can I talk to you?” he asked her, nervously.
“Sure, Kevin, what’s up?”
“Do you want to go out with me – on a date?” he asked, still very nervous.
She laughed, encouragingly. “That’d be great,” she said, smiling.
Kevin was ecstatic, but he managed to keep it cool.
“So, you want to catch a movie on Saturday night?”
“That’s fine. When can you pick me up?”
Kevin shifted on his feet.
“Well, um, I don’t drive yet, but my mom can pick you up around seven?” he said, unsure.
Jennie looked offended. “You don’t drive?”
“Ah, no. Is that a problem?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” She snarled.
“Well, I have no reason to drive, so my mom just drives me,” he said, failing to satisfy this girl.
“I can’t date guys who had to depend on their mommies to drive them on a date.” She twisted her finger in her hair. “Call me when you grow out of diapers, Kevin.” She stepped away from a heart broken Kevin and walked off.
Seconds later, Steve, who had been watching from a distance, came up behind Kevin.
“Well, how’d it go? Are you two going to hook up?”
Kevin didn’t move.
Steve got the picture.
“Awww, why?” he wanted to know.
“I don’t drive,” Kevin answered, getting a little ashamed. He was more confused than he’d ever been.
Steve whistled. “You know she’s right, though,” he said, “You’re the only senior who doesn’t drive.”
“So?”
“So, that means your parents have to drive you places, the kind of places where it makes you look like you’re a baby. You can’t be like that.”
“Why?” Kevin asked, curiously.
“What about college? Are you going to show up on the first day with your parents?”
“Maybe.” Kevin was getting angry now.
“ You’re a good guy. You just gotta grow up.”
Kevin felt as if his best friend had stabbed him in the back.
“Fine!” he yelled, stomping his foot. He avoided his friend for the rest of the day.
When the final bell rang, the kids fled from their classes. Kevin walked drearily out from the school. He saw his mother waiting for him in the family car and moved to it. He got inside it and slammed the door.
“Hi, honey. How was your day?” His mother was in a good mood, unlike her son. Kevin, however, wasn’t eager to talk about his bad day.
“It was cool,” he lied, putting on a fake smile.
His mother smiled then remembered something from that morning.
“Oh, dear,” she said, smacking herself in the head, “I forgot to wash your socks!”
“It’s okay, mom,” her son said, unrepentantly. “I can wash them myself.”