Just Plain Jennifer: A BLOG

crap/depression

God, everything I write is crap. I'm not saying this to get any pity or sympathy or any of that shit. Really. I'd rather watch tv most of the time than tackle something hard. (I want to tackle something challenging, but not badly enough to get my fat ass up and do it)

What a motherfucker. (Depression I mean) I am a fucking cliche'; but I'll be damned if I let the bitch trick me! It's such a devious, clever thing-depression. It seeps into the very core of your personality. Without realizing it, you become this lazy bastard. By lazy I mean you have no motivation or drive to do the things that you actually want to do!

So, thus the depression feeds on the fact that you feel bad because you don't do the things that you want or need to do and guess what? You feel WORSE about yourself. So you do less, then you feel worse and it keeps going on and on--until you are able to catch yourself on something and break the cycle. I haven't quite done that yet, but I think that's how it's done.

I know I can fix myself by taking some stupid pills. (which I already have and already know what they do for me) But what they do also is take away some of my cynicism and individuality. They make me less emotionally, on both ends of the spectrum.

This sounds retarded (no offense), but the me that I am now wants to be healthy but damn that self-preservation!

Medication for depression works. It really does. Don't get me wrong. I'm just a stubborn dumbass. Well, I need candy now. And I need to work. Maybe I'll combine a reward system with candy so I can get some work done.

If I get done I'll post back l8rs.


~Jenn