je swee un LOSER!!!!

nostalgia

It's funny, looking back over life and realizing how different things where, how unprepared, how unawae, how <i>naive</i> you were. Chris was one of the worst things that every happened to me. He detroyes my confidence, and scarred me sexually(well, he just kynd of finished what my mother had done to me). It took Pierre and Cody to help restore me. Pierre because he was an emotional support and a good friend while giving me the freedom to be around my friends but still be with someone, and Cody because he worshipped me, cared for me, and managed to keep me relatively happy for over a year and a half. Cody and I have only recently decided to go "on a break". He's so distraught. I feel..nothing?

Things were so different back then....And now..look at me, I'm even a killer. I had life inside me and i killed it. I had a future and i killed that too. but not at the same time..the future was gone long before. The future went out when the Pot came in? I don't even know.

I lost my truth too. I'm so disconnected to the faith that I had so strong within me. I still hold the sabbats, but really only as an excuse to get together with my friends. I'm soooooooooo empty. What the hell is wrong with me. I used to be so cute. A little depressing, but adorable and innocent. Now I'm just tired and Jaded. LIves change. growing up sucks.