Straight No Chaser

Whooooooooaaaaaaa

i hope to god melony sleeps somewhere else tonight. if she comes in, she'll see me sitting here crying, half-dressed, sports bra and sweatpants, clicking away at my computer like the estranged dynamite sister, wetting everything up. my own little localized rainshower.

some things are just kind of unfair.

but, there is beauty everywhere. on the other end of some bend of the cosmos, my ten-years-older self is smiling comfortingly at me, possibly singing the words to stevie wonder's "you will know." troubled heart, you'll know. problems have solutions, trust and i will show. simple and tinny, the ultimate emotional hug. she's smiling because things have gotten so much better since then. the notebooks are full of her passionate scribblings. her agent, first on her speed dial, is expecting a call in the morning--they've made another offer, will it be ready to hit shelves by the holiday season? her husband is crawling into bed beside her, voice deep, hands soft; he's mimicking her dainty scoot, carefully tickling her knees. he wants to make love, she's got the ache of invitation.

he does, he makes love to her, not with but to her, a distinction he didn't understand till after the wedding. she prefers indirect subjectitude. she does. he knows. the room is accented in the colors of the forest, and "naima" oozes from the corner speakers. in his hands, she's possessed. she is naima, finally beautiful in a way she wasn't, ten years before. she is confident and he is making love to her and she's going to write tomorrow. and then, afterward, they marvel at the baby's sleeptime undulations, because it wouldn't make sense if they didn't.

there is beauty everywhere. just not here in 2005. which, fortunately, is almost over. so no worries.

i have to end this now because i promised aaron.