The Life Of Me.

13th December 2005

I've just started my mock exams. My first one has gone pretty darn well...Spanish Speaking Test, I got 51/70 (72%) which is a B I did work hard for it. I pretty much flunked one part of it, but because I did so well in the other part, I got a good grade I'm proud. Psychology tomorrow, that's going to be really hard. I hope the same thing happens that always has in my Psychology exams...That as soon as I start writing, I start remembering...I've been practising the exam question, there was a couple of things I couldn't remember fully...but we'll see how it goes. We'll see.

You know what. I'm working hard. I'm enjoying it. I like reaping the benefits of working hard, that's why I do it. I like feeling good about myself and knowing that I've done well because I've worked for it, and that I DESERVE to do well. I hope I do well in all my other exams, I really do. If I put the work in, I don't see why I can't....

I miss Martin...It's getting to that point again where I'm starting to feel alone. I hate it. I just miss the feel of his lips, the feel of his warm hands on mine, the strength of his cuddle, the intensity of his look as his eyes stare into mine...his laugh, his smile, his quirks...I miss him so much.

Was talking to Mum again about moving out when I go to Uni, she doesn't think we'd cope living together and that it's not how I expect. I really can't live at home, I want to be independent and get out into the real world. It's not even that I don't like living at home, I love it...I just feel that I want to grow up some more, discover who I am without being so sheltered and nudged in the right direction. I want to make some more mistakes and learn from them. I would even get the £750 that Dad pays Mum for me in maintenance. That would cover flat rent and food, and maybe even travel. I wouldn't be living in squalor, and I could even afford a car if I'm still working. University is going to be the time where I grow the most...and I want to grow with him. I think we will find it hard...but by next October, I think we'll be a mature enough couple to take that next step and deal with whatever problems arise. It's not like we don't speak for days if we've fallen out, we always sort things straight away, so we'd never be homeless. And I know he'd pay his own way...and I know we would argue, there's no doubt...but I really believe we could get through it. We'll have been going out about 18 months by then, is that not a good time -if we're serious enough about each other- to start taking our relationship further? We've already been away together twice and absolutely loved it. I love falling asleep and waking up with him. I love taking care of him, making him cups of tea, I love him making my dinner...I just love it. I want more of it. I think we'd be ready. But Mum doesn't think so *sigh*. Then again, it's not her life. It's mine. Meh. Anyone any ideas?