Marv's Mind

Poop samples

Yesterday I carried around shit in my purse all morning. The shit had to remain room temp so I couldn't leave it in the car because of our 85-degree winter here in Texas. Ok, I'll explain. It's a poop sample. I had a physical and the doctor ordered poop samples. I was given a plastic bag that contained 3 card, 3 sticks and a biohazard picture. My poop is majorly hazardous! I was to wipe shit in a little square on the card and then close and date the card.

Note to self: Date the card before applying the shit to card. Watch for seepage.

Don't get me wrong...I am extremely fascinated by shit and always have been. I'm glad I was smearing my shit on the cards and not anyone else’s. What if I'd gotten pulled over by the cops on the way to the lab for drop off? The cards kind of look like a pack of zig zags so that could have been fun. Nobody pulled me over! What a waste of shit. I would have loved for the policeman to open up the tiny little card to find my fucking fecal matter. I'd have pissed myself laughing.

I dropped off the poop without incident and returned to work. I wonder what other people carry around in their purses? What would a man do if he had a shit sample that needed to be dropped off during lunch and couldn't leave it in a car. What would Jesus do?

-Marv-