Break the Cycle

Trigger: Arrogance

On the other side of the coin is arrogance, when people claim superiority in some way. Like ignorance, arrogance is a bit of a plague. But what exactly is arrogance? It's a tone, certain words, a way one carries him/herself. My blood burns my veins when I see a manifestation of it, be it online or off. Lately, arrogance has been a rare but fiendishly aggressive trigger. Anger caused by arrogance is also the most difficult to suppress. When I deal with this anger, I frequently feel the adrenaline raging through my arm muscles, raring to fight...or at least vandalize something.

As I said before, this is a rare trigger, but it tends to flare up when I'm around certain people on a regular basis. This includes classmates, co-workers and yes, some active site members. Even before I reached this point in my life (a fully legal adult by turning 21 in May 2005 and becoming a moderator in October of that year), I worked suppress my arrogance-triggered anger, and I have not always been successful. My anger once prompted me to call the cops to break up an argument between two women at the photo department where I worked at the time. It was overkill, and I knew I had pissed off one of the ladies for life. I didn't care then, and I still don't care. Considering she did take judo lessons, I felt justified in defusing the argument before it lead to violence, especially when one of the ladies relied on an electric scooter for mobility. Maybe I did do the right thing, but sometimes I wonder about that.

Sure, you may say that was a constructive way to express my anger, and perhaps it may be to an extent. However, it was inordinate, and that's how most of my expressions of anger tend to turn out.

(From Merriam-Webster Online)

in·or·di·nate
Pronunciation: i-'nor-d&n-&t, -'nord-n&t
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English inordinat, from Latin inordinatus, from in- + ordinatus, past participle of ordinare to arrange -- more at ORDAIN
1 archaic : DISORDERLY, UNREGULATED
2 : exceeding reasonable limits : IMMODERATE
synonym see EXCESSIVE

Granted, inordinate expressions of anger doesn't only apply to the arrogance trigger. However, this type of anger is most likely to result in an inordinate and possibly unjustifiable reaction, even if I'm not overtly reprimanded for it. Other triggers can result in the occassional semi-justifiable reaction, but arrogance does not lend itself to that. Instead, I usually make an ass of myself while inflicting (or attempting to inflict) my wrath on the unfortunate soul who triggered me. Helpless sap.

The big thing about the arrogance trigger is my fear of becoming arrogant like those who make me angry. In this case, I fear being a hypocrite and, subsequentally, self-inflicted anger, which as we learned creates a lot of physical stresses for me. Have I exhibited arrogance in my lifetime? Let's face it. Who hasn't? We're all guilty of being arrogant at some point in our lives, and I should be thankful I don't remember specific incidents. I have a hell of a time living these past transgressions are as it is. If I remembered details, I'd lose my sanity for sure. So when I get angry at arrogant behavior, I also feel guilty of being a hypocrite. So how I do I get out of this sticky conundrum?

On that note, if you'd like any details about instances of my anger at any onsite triggers (ignorance, arrogance and future discussed triggers), leave a comment so I can discuss them with you privately. This journal is meant to explore how my anger works, not rag on the activities of site people. However, if you for masochistic reasons want to give me a place to vent (or perhaps want to see a better look at how my anger works), then drop me a line. I'm not expecting a big response here, but I can work something out for those of you who may be interested.