Catching Idle Butterflies

Illusions

Freedom of speech is an illusion.

We can easily say that we have the right to say whatever we want, whenever we want. Even state and national constitutions claim to guarantee this right. But it’s false, and it’s a trap.

What we speak and write affects others, especially when we discuss people besides ourselves, however helpful we think our words might be. The consequences can have a negative and sometimes far-reaching affect, but we many times don’t consider that until it’s too late. And like trying to squeeze toothpaste back inside the tube, words cannot be sucked back in once spoken – or written as the case may be. Sure written words can be erased or deleted, but not after one person or more has read them. By then the damage has been done, and there’s no going back.

Hiding behind, “I have the right to free-speech,” is a copout, and only proves that we think our opinions matter more than the people they involve.

I am learning this slowly. Even though I want to talk about all my feelings, frustrations and opinions, no matter how desperately I think I need to express them, I can’t. Only silence, time and seeking out the entire story will prove those initial emotions and desired reactions appropriate or not.

I fully expected this little tirade to never see eyes but my own, mostly because by putting it here, some who read it will know exactly what I’m talking about. That then defeats the point I’m trying to make. If you don’t know, don’t ask. You’re better off not knowing, believe me.

Plus, it smacks of self-pity, and who likes to read that?

I’m not pitying myself (okay, maybe a little), nor do I expect someone to pat me on the head saying, “There, there.” (But nor would I shy away from it) I’m angry. I’m angry for too often flying off the handle in situations without having all the facts, and in the end embarrassing myself, possibly even hurting or upsetting others that didn’t deserve it. Even apologies seem out of place, a waste of time, and again, smacks of self-pity: “Please forgive me if I’ve hurt or offended anyone.” Translation, “Please tell me everything is all right and I’m not a terrible person.” If you feel like shuddering or washing the sudden sour taste out of your mouth, I’ll wait . . .

The only one who I am truly free to express myself is God. He knows me too well. I can’t hide anyway, and I know I can’t hurt Him with my honesty, my brutal, knee-jerk, overly-dramatic honesty. (How’s that for drama?)

While emotions are valid, we must be careful to not always do what they tell us to do. God gave us brains as well as hearts, a capacity for logic equal to our emotions. Taking one over the other can many times lead us into to trouble. Galileo said it best: “I do not believe a God who endowed us with sense and reason intended us to forego their use.”

Where’s Mr Spock when I need him?