Straight No Chaser

Banana

at the grocery store the other day, od got bored and started poking around in the produce section; procured, from one of the cardboard boxes, a giant cucumber, slick with the moisture from the automated hydrater. "feel my cucumber," he kept saying, chasing us from aisle to aisle. people were staring, probably thinking they're too old to act like that, but whatever, it was after midnight and what do they know anyway?

"feel my cucumber," he told krystle, and she screamed, od's being fresh! she kept saying, which made people stare even more. "no i'm not," he insisted. "i'm serious, it's got this weird slime on it. feels like someone was using it as a dildo. shannon, feel my cucumber."

i did. sure enough, it was like he'd said, all lubed up and ready for action. "he's right," i reported. "that is a slimy dilcumber."

"anyway," he pointed out, putting it back, "shannon's no size queen. if i wanted to be fresh i'd just say hey shannon, feel my banana."

i didn't get it. i still don't. we spend way too much time at the grocery store.