Looking Around

Time still flies even in the New Year

Ok, I remember writing something here about trying to not have so many updates happen or so many reminders show up in my mail box... now I feel like a bit of a "failure" in that I just signed back on line and found a page full of reminders. I seem to have not been on line for about two weeks. Where did the time go? I was just here a few days ago... right? And, here reality hits... I haven't been paying attention.

How often does this sort of reality hit folks? You know, you are trying to do something, you make a goal of it, then whammo- looks like absolutely no progress has been made. I am probably just about the only person this happens to... yeah, right. It is not that I am the only one... but in my ego filled existance, I am the only one I worry about. You can do it all you want, when I do it, I have stress (or not). What is important in this process, I am learning, is the "self-talk" that goes on. At this point I can "beat myself up" over missing a deadline- go back into my memory of being "chewed out" by an adult or I can change it into a gentle reminder and encouragement.

What I am learning lately seems to be how to more gently remind myself and not get so "angry" with all the missed attempts and look like failings. Ok, so I didn't write in this blog for two weeks. When I look back through my computer's memory of writing, I have done some important work. I have made entrys in other journals, I have written several letters, and I have gone out. I mean it, I might have missed doing this and I have chosen other things and that is ok. I am writing now- and focusing on any other emotion is a waste of time. If I get into this fully and enjoy it... next time it becomes less of a chore. If I don't enjoy it, then maybe I need to look at other options and move on. After all, and this is important, it is MY goal. Not an outside goal imposed on my by others.

So what if Writing.com sends out a gazillion reminders? I can do this at my own pace. Now, I do feel the pressure, but I can unfeel the pressure, too. And, who really cares, anyway? Yep, me. I am the only one that really cares and wonders about what to put in here. So, off we go.

And, sometime later, I will remember some of what I had thought about putting in here. Cool things like on January 19th, the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius was started (if you believe this one astrologer and completely disregard the rest of the body of astrology). The actual beginning of the Age of Aquarius (listen to the musical "Hair" for a description of the "Dawning" part) comes in several hundred years- unless you believe Aleister Crowley who insisted it started about the end of the Spanish-American War. However, there is a dawning before the actual sunrise. I know I like to get up in the dark of the night and watch the sun begin to come up- with the first glimmer of light on the horizon. Well, this was it for the next Age, maybe. Since it is my birthday coming up in the middle of Aquarius- I guess I am predisposed to look for more of the same only larger anywhere I can.

Anyway, it is giving me hope that Humankind can and will find a better way of dealing with conflict than with ever greater amounts of violence. Oops- where did that come from? Ok- stream of consciousness strikes again. But, we will always have conflict and just like how we deal with ourselves when we miss a goal, so we deal with those around us. I would like to think that we are all getting to where we communicate more gently, listen to differing opinions, then work towards mutual, cooperative problem-solving. We need to stop yelling at ourselves and beating ourselves up over things- and more importantly stop beating up others over the same stuff.