Break the Cycle

Factor: Family

For me, family can be a major source of frustration (the next trigger I will be discussing). Don't get me wrong; I'm close to my family. However, since I am an only child, I tend to get more attention than I care to handle. In that vein, college has been bearable because I'm not constantly around my family, and I admit I tend not to keep that closely in touch with my family. That's usually because I'm here. All kidding aside, I do have a lot on my plate, and thus keeping tabs on my relatives gets moved to the back burner. At my age, it was bound to happen anyway. Perhaps it needed to happen. Without constantly being in my relatives' presence, I have been able to do what I want and not have to wrangle with the frustrations my relatives provoke.

Perhaps the two biggest culprits are my mother and my dad's mom. With my mom, it seems that my finances tend to be the breaking point in our relationship, as that's what we usually argue about when we do argue. When finances aren't involved in the conversation, we get along fairly well. As for my dad's mom...well, it boils down to differences in religious beliefs. She's a strict universal baptist; I'm a god-shunner. I sometimes refer to myself as an atheist because agnostic and non-denominational are inaccurate in describing my belief in god as a sadistic egomaniac that needs to be seriously humbled. I've never told my grandmother my beliefs, but it's that self-imposed silence that builds frustration. I find it excruciating to hear her say "God does this and God says that." I don't want to cause a family scandal by revealing my beliefs (as my mother's family is Catholic), but at the same time, hearing god talk is very offensive to me, and how I manage to put up with that shit remains a mystery to me. I'd like to think of it as a means of building up my patience (a decidedly lacking element in my life), but at the same time, I can't help but think I'm on my way to a coronary before I get a decrease in my car insurance. Yeah.

As for the rest of my family, I've learned how to deal. I have to since I have quite a few relatives living in the same state as me. Sure, I'm still annoyed by my mom's incessant nagging and my grandfather's constant exasperation with her. However, I don't feel violent when it kicks into high gear. Seems to be that exposure to family is key to maintaining a semblance of sanity. I just doubt my relatives will let that happen.