Straight No Chaser

Watermelon

herbie hancock's "watermelon man" is playing. if you don't know it, you should. it's the one with the sort of afro-cuban lilt; strong, simple baseline; some kind of native whoop in the foreground. and. this entry could so easily devolve into an entirely pointless discourse on cunnilingus. but won't, with any luck.

voavanga is sanskrit, and roughly translates to "work sucks." if i weren't on the monday shift all by myself i'd be complaining about stolen pencils, but as it turns out, not having anyone around to steal my pencils is far worse than getting jacked all the time. this big baby-voiced sophomore came in today with her first-year portfolio, which failed the first go-round (naturally, or else she wouldn't still be working on it) and wanted me to help her with her works cited page. i didn't really have time to do it, as i was about to have to punch out and run to class, and i suggested that she wait on the next available tutor rather than rushing through a slapdash tutorial.

"no no," she said in her baby voice, "this is quick, i only have three quick questions, it'll only be like five minutes."

a quick glance at her first paragraph told me she needed more help than what i could give in five minutes, but i shut up and let her ask away. realized, about halfway through her final question, that she wasn't paying my answers any heed at all. "here," i said, giving her the mla style manual. "this should tell you pretty much everything you need to know. just refer back to it when you're setting up your works cited." broad helpy helperton smile.

she glanced it over and recoiled. "i have this," she squeaked, giggling, god knows why. "i think i've got about three of these."

i took it back. "oh," i said. "so then," why in god's name haven't you looked at them? because it would have only taken one, not three, to tip you off that there is something crucially unprofessional about a works cited page that is centered and in multicolored font. you dummy, "maybe just look one of those over for tips then, okay?" (meanwhile, the room is backlogged at this point, filling up with people whose intelligent questions i could have answered a thousand times over in the time it took to address hers.)

long story short, she made me late to class, and she was the least of the problems that sauntered through, this morning. thank god i've got a free hour to get some sleep before my next class.

...just kidding! eighty-seven pages of reading left over for three o'clock, because i am a terrible student with poor time management skills!