He Takes My Heart With Him

Hurtful Words

I was browsing through some blogs tonight, trying to ignore all those annoying pop-ups and ads, when I stumbled across a blog written by a mom that has spina bifida. Skimming through her entries, I found her thoughtful, courageous, and proud. Then, I happened to glance at the top of the site.

There, in a small, rectangular box, black letters on a yellow background, sat the words: Your Baby's Spina Bifida Could Have Been Prevented With Folic Acid.

Pain, quick and sharp, went right through me. "Could Have Been Prevented." How many times have I wondered what I could have done differently? How many times will I still wonder that? Every time a medical worker asked me, "Were you taking vitamins?" I would feel this wave of nausea and grief roll over me. Fortunately, I could answer yes, because Nate had still been nursing. But what if he hadn't been? What if I hadn't been taking vitamins and it would have been solely my fault? If I had answered, no, and they had nodded their heads like, well, that explains it, then. Of course, he has spina bifida. You didn't take your vitamins.

As it was, just seeing the words hurt me. I drew in a breath and sat there. I felt the tears begin rolling down my face, but I didn't really notice them. The tightness of my chest was too great.

Do people even think before they make blanket statements like that? Do they realize the wounding of the soul and the heart, when they say things like that?

Tears still falling, I fired off an email to one of the lawyers that placed the ad. I told him that he pissed me off. That he hurt me.