Catching Idle Butterflies

Day Two - Exhausted

One of my quirks is when I stay overnight in a strange place, I can't sleep. It doesn't matter how tired I am, how comfortable the bed is (and I have a very comfy bed with lots (4!) of soft pillows to sink my head down in). Yesterday I slept maybe a total of three hours.

All day I felt drained, but even more than that I felt empty. I had no ambition, no desires, no dreams, nothing.

But I don't see this as a bad thing. It left me open to learning from this conference, because my mind wasn't filled with the anxiety of trying to make an impression, or being disappointed if I didn't sell anything. So even though I was tempted to cancel my two appointments set up for that day, I went, more to ask questions than try to sell.

The first one I visited was In Touch magazine. I had a feeling ever since I signed my name to that list what I wanted to present wasn't what they were looking for. My instincts were correct.

But I learned a few things.

First I described my "Out of the Shadows" monologues and the first thing Tonya said was, "We don't take fiction."

I stared at her for a second thinking, but their not fiction. Their based on actual biblical events. But then I thought, Okay, I can see why she would think that, because I'm writing from the imaginary perspective of a person, so therefore, fictionalized.

I also figured not one single magazine represented at this conference takes fiction either.

Okay. Eyes opened.

Second I showed her my "Selling Me Short" article. She skimmed through it and said, "Now understand this is just my opinion, so don't take it as written in stone."

I shrugged thinking, no need to sugar coat it. Be honest. That's why I'm here.

She then explained what she saw as flaws. As she did so, I took my little notebook out of my bag and wrote down her suggestions on how to improve it. She had great suggestions.

Tonya had been at the conference last year and I sat at her table as well as attended a panel discussion she participated in where attendees could fire questions at the editor's. One thing that impressed me most about her last year was how she laid things out, simple and honest.

That's the main reason I wanted to meet with her, and she gave me what I sought.

I didn't flip a coin to determine the workshop, but instead picked the one I thought would have the most energy since I had none. I chose Craig McNair Wilson's which is about how to use your innate creativity, how to gain time to let that creativity run wild, brainstorming, communicating (as in public speaking) and the last of the four sections being using body language.

Let's just say as I attended the first two sections, I didn't need any coffee. I was too busy trying to keep up with my notes because he talked so fast, had much information to impart and laughing.

During the afternoon, I met with my mentor.

By this time I figured out a few things about this emptiness of ambition and desire. It opened me up to something that I hadn't realized before.

I talked to other attendees and when they asked me what I'm writing and trying to sell, for a moment I had no idea what to say. I wanted to avoid that answer, more interested in them than in talking about myself. I then asked myself what I want at this moment in time. Only one thing came, one ambition and one desire. It wasn't to see my name in print either in a magazine or on the front and spine of a book.

It is seeing the impact my monologues I'm writing for the Good Friday play will have on the audience. It is the desire to see the words I write on paper come to life on stage.

I won't get that by sending an article off to a magazine. All I'd be doing there is pleasing an editor, not knowing whether or not I impressed a reader.

I guess I want something tangible, to see the fruits of my labors first hand and in real time.

This was my mindset as I sat at my mentor's table. So instead of trying to sell anything, I asked questions about his agency and what he was looking for in clients. One thing led to another, and in the end he asked me to send him the first two chapters of my book. I don't expect him to take me as a client, but I did ask him that I'm open to any and all suggestions he has.

I know what your thinking. After my last vent about how frustrated I was at his comments from my last lesson, how can I want any of his input?

I also said not to take that entry too seriously as I was only venting. Plus, like many of you commented, a mentor is supposed to be tough, otherwise how can I learn and improve? Plus, with my emotions taking a back seat, I was able to see, at least with one of his comments, that he was right on as far as my writing's flaws.

I also asked him about the monologues I wrote and he suggested several publishers of drama.

He said, "But they don't pay much, usually $50-$100 per monologue."

I laughed and said, "That's more than I would have expected. I was thinking more along the lines of $5!"

This will give you another clue how tired I was. At the end of supper, Jerry B. Jenkins had a book signing along with the first winner of Operation First Book (her name escapes me at the moment). We also wouldn't have to pay for the books before getting them signed. But standing near the front of the line with less than 75 people in front of me, I thought, I don't have the energy for this. I want sleep. So I turned down the opportunity to not only say hi to two authors, but walked away from getting two free books.

Now that's tired!

Today I have one other appointment with another agency, but I will approach them in the same manner as before. Ask questions about their agency, what they're looking for, and if my manuscript as far as genre will have a chance in the future.

Again, I'm more interested in learning and growing, not getting published.

Perhaps I'm getting more patient after all.