Catching Idle Butterflies

A look back -- a look forward

Today marks not only my 100th blog entry, but also just exceeding 1,000 views. This being an anniversary of sorts, I decided to read my first entry. In it I gave a short history of my journey with God up to that point, and what I intended to accomplish with this blog.

As with all things in life, make a plan all I want, it’ll rarely turn out as I expect.

And that's a good thing. How boring life would be without some unpredictability.

So what have I discovered on this still short blogging journey that I never expected?

1. A Sense of Community. In setting up this blog, I did anticipate a few people to be curious about what I might have to say, but not necessarily to return, let alone leave comments. Once people did come back and take the time to comment, I decided to return the favor by reading and responding to theirs. Suddenly the citizens of Blogville opened up their arms, welcoming me into this vast and yet to be stifled or boring community. I’m proud to be counted among you.

2. Writing for You, the Reader. It's easy to be self-absorbed, to constantly write for me and only me. I have done that for years in my journals. Blogging has broken me of that. Now, before I write a single word, I think, "Would the Reader understand all this? Do I need to add a bit of history? Is it written so they will not misunderstand? Is this even interesting? Or will I be committing the worst of all Blogville sins . . uniblogging?" Even after 100 entries, my tummy still tumbles with the fear I haven't met whatever expectations you may have the moment I hit “Save Entry”. I hope that never changes, because then I will no longer try to meet or exceed those expectations and lose you anyway.

3. Opening the Door Naked. Every Blogville citizen I’ve had the pleasure to “meet” have one thing in common. They aren’t afraid to speak their mind, to share their deepest emotions and experiences with others. That takes courage, and it’s a courage I’m still working on gaining. There are times I still hold back, wanting to be fully clothed and with makeup on as I begin typing so as not to startle the world with my emotional and spiritual nakedness. Yet every time I’ve ignored my fears, and expose my ick, you have all responded with understanding and kindness, making me feel it’s not so bad being so open.

4. Growth. My first expectation for “God’s Way” was to chronicle my journey toward a closer relationship with God. Again, this was mostly for me. My overactive sense of self-deprecation prevents me from claiming my words have had a positive influence on anyone, although that is one of my deepest hopes and desires. What I didn’t expect, and this is the main reason why I look forward to 400 more entries, are the changes and growth your own blogs and responses have caused in me.

5. It Ain't About Me. In not being afraid to proclaim my faith to those I will likely never meet face to face, I no longer fear (as much) sharing those beliefs with those around me. After all, that's why I'm here, not to grow for growth's sake and to have it be all for me, but to show others God's love for them.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7