Out of the Frying Pan

Are We There Yet?

Boy, did I feel dumb, I didn’t know one tree from another. I’d heard them called evergreens, so I thought trees that stayed green all year round were just called evergreens. I didn’t realize they had other names.

I knew my grandpa meant no harm, but them dagburn brothers of mine were a different story. That’s all they needed, more ammunition for making fun of me. As we trudged along, I could hear their snickering behind me. I guess Grandpa heard them too, because he said to me, “Ya know, Mike, your brothers fell for the same thing.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, a few years back. I think they forgot all about it until I came out of the gun room with just one rifle. I’m thinking that’s when they remembered and realized what we were going hunting for today.”

I felt a lot better.

Grandpa stopped walking and waited for Lenny and Lanny to catch up with us. He paused and looked them each in the eye for a moment, just long enough to make them uncomfortable, wondering if they were in trouble or something.

“Things are funnier when you’re not the one being laughed at, ain’t that right boys.”

“Yes, sir,” they both replied.

And that was it. Grandpa didn’t see the need for long lectures when a look and a few simple words could get his point across.

He switched his rifle from one shoulder to the other, then turned and gestured to the landscape before us. “What do you boys see?”

My brothers and I exchanged looks that said, What’s he up to now? and after a moment, we answered as best we could.

“A pasture.”

“Some scattered trees in a pasture.”

“The woods behind some scattered trees in a pasture.”

Grandpa laughed. “Nope, you don’t see what I’m seeing.”

We looked again and we still hadn’t a clue of what he wanted us to see.

He gestured again. “Just look at that hillside covered with virgin snow, nary a track on it.” He reached down and grabbed the knapsack off the sled and flung it across one shoulder, then picked up the bag.

“Well, I built this sled last Christmas for you boys, why don’t you hop on it and I’ll meet you down the hill. Go on, get on it. Lanny, you in front, then you, Mike, then Lenny. When you’re ready, I’ll push you off.”

He didn’t have to ask us twice! We jumped onto the sled, each taking our places. Grandpa put his foot on the back and off we went, flying down that hill. We hit a bump, and just for a heart-stopping second, we were airborne. I could feel myself lifting off the sled only to land hard back down on it, the very next instant. With the wind in our faces, we were hooting and yelling as we raced down that hill. As we reached the bottom, the sled started to turn sideways. The runner on one side began to lift and we all came tumbling off in different directions. We could barely sit upright in the snow, we were laughing so hard.

Finally, I stood up and brushed the snow off my clothes. As we retrieved the sled (still laughing), we could see Grandpa still walking down the hill, laughing with us. When he got near enough, Lanny asked him, “If you want, Grandpa, I’ll take the sled back up so you can ride it back down.”

“No thanks, Lanny,” he said, “I’m a little too old and I’m not gonna walk back up the hill just to come back down again.” Grandpa placed the knapsack and bag back on the sled and we headed towards the woods.

When we got over to the end of the pasture, my brothers slid the sled under the barbed wire fence and climbed through. Grandpa and I, however, walked about another twenty yards and went through the other gate. They met up with us and we headed out deeper into the woods.

We kept going this way, then that way, then this way again, until I was totally confused. I had never been so far into the woods before. I’ll admit I was feeling a bit nervous, and I could tell my brothers were feeling it too. Our footsteps quickened to stay closer to Grandpa, and still we kept going. I thought to myself, Why, I seen all kinds of trees that would have been just fine with me. Just then, we heard a loud crack sound followed by a rustling in the bushes.

My brothers and I stopped dead in our tracks. My grandpa smiled as he reassured us, “That’s just a tree giving way to the weight of the snow.” We sighed with relief and put our eyes back into our heads. After all, we needed them there to see what might be coming at us. In my vivid imagination, there were creatures behind every tree and at any moment I expected to be faced with a bear, elk, moose, or some other large creature that was probably not even found in those parts.

I was so busy on the lookout for large and carnivorous creatures, that I almost ran right into Grandpa when he suddenly stopped.

I was comforted to some degree that he wasn’t lifting his rifle to his shoulder, but I still didn’t know why he’d halted so abruptly.

In almost a whisper I asked, “What is it, Grandpa?” He turned around, looking down at me as if he was wondering why I was so close.

“There’s the tree, boys.”

All three of us looked ahead. We looked to the right. We looked to the left.

I finally spoke up. “I don’t see any Christmas tree, Grandpa.”

“Well,” he drawled, “you just can’t see the tree for the forest.”