Catching Idle Butterflies

Cry baby - desensitization training lesson 1

My first lesson in desensitization training took place when I was around four. For a few hours a day, Margaret and I had to spend time with a babysitter while my mom worked. I don’t remember her name, but she was a large woman with short black hair. She always wore darker colored, polyester pants and large flowery patterned shirts. She lived in an apartment with stark white walls, lighter colored carpet, and she kept every room spotless.

Margaret and I helped her keep that apartment clean. I remember dusting was one of my chores. She then allowed us to watch “Lassie” when we finished.

Back then I was perceptive enough to know she liked Margaret and tolerated me.

This attitude became abundantly clear when “Lassie” came on one day. I don’t remember the episode, but little Timmy was in terrible trouble. I was so frightened for him, I began to cry.

“What’s wrong with you?” the babysitter asked.

Through my tears, I blubbered how scared I was for Timmy.

She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into a bedroom. She then sat me on the bed, towered over me with her hands on her hips and said, “Until you quit being a baby, you’ll stay right here. Do not come out until your eyes are dry. And if you dare start to get upset again, back into this room you go.”

She then left me alone, slamming the door behind her.

I spent the next hour trying to bury my desire to cry. In the end, Mom coming to pick us up is what got me out of that room.

To avoid getting upset, every time “Lassie” came on, I went into that room and shut the door until the show ended.

I can’t watch “Lassie” to this day.