Catching Idle Butterflies

Missing You

I want to change the title of my blog again, possibly back to “God’s Way.” I have found myself drifting of late. I don’t think about God as often, nor do I enjoy reading my Bible any more. I see my Disciple lessons as work and have more than once thought about quitting. I ditched last week’s meeting using my parents’ visit as an excuse, though they left long before the meeting took place.

Why is this?

When I’m down, I don’t see the positives in my life, but dwell on the negatives, thereby increasing my sadness, finding more things to worry about . . .

It’s an ever deepening spiral that’s hard to get out of.

Reading partyof5dj’s entry "Invalid Entry"  pulled me upward from this funk. This time of year with Good Friday and Easter coming up is all about hope, to never give it up even during the darkest of times – especially during the darkest times.

You think I would have realized this by writing those monologues for the Easter play. In order to write them, I had to study the four gospels even more than for Disciple. But doing so, I only saw Jesus’ death, not the reason behind His death or His Resurrection.

Looking back, this poor attitude started when I changed my blog.

I originally dedicated it to Him, and by changing the title and the premise, I took back the dedication. I’ve also been more concerned about my stats than anything, trying to write entries more entertaining than spiritual, thoughtful, or even provocative – my original intent.

Big mistake, and I think this funk is God’s way (pun intended) to let me know.

If I lose readers or potential readers because of it, well, that’s a price I’m going to have to pay. I don’t want to lose you, or the newly curious, and I pray I don’t, but being close to God is more important.

HA! I just realized that was the point I tried to make (actually it was Pastor Pete’s point) in the last monologue I wrote ("In with the Crowd" ).

How, oh how does God never lose patience with me?

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"Whatever man loves, that is his god. For he carries it in his heart; he goes about with it night and day; he sleeps and wakes with it, be it what it may—wealth or self, pleasure or renown."

—Martin Luther