A Misconnected Journey Anywhere by ME

You can never go back

Ok, so I'm still waiting on a mortgage. This is up there with one of the worst times in my life but then...maybe not.
I've been forced to think about why I am upset over this waiting and not knowing and then being told 'no', we can't help you get the money you need to fulfill your dreams.
Why is my self worth tied into this random equation? Why do I care what some companies guidelines decide about me? And, is it really me or the facsimile of me they've determined through their guidelines?
Whoa, deeep s*** here.
I have cried, been driven crazy, wondered if I'll get through and succumbed to a drunken binge. What in the world is going on? Why has this experience changed me so? I am the same person only focused. Staying positively determined has never been so difficult.
Is the3 lack of nicotine still influential after 5 weeks? Maybe but, I need to regroup. Take charge again and not be fooled by the sad illusion of status before me. I AM WONDERFUL WITH OR WITHOUT A MORTGAGE.