Crazy Days

Sometimes growing up hurts....

So much has been changing in the last few weeks. I feel like so many things that I thought my childhood was ;are different. Mostly, things with my father and that really breaks my heart. I used to think that we were so close and had this great relationship but now I no longer have blurrie eyes. I know that we have been close but I know really realize how sick my dad really is and that he only has the compacity to love one thing because he won't take care of himself. I just want him to be happy but I now see that you can't fix something that you don't acknowledge. He wants me to help plan his wedding(since this is going to be my profession). I don't really want to but I am going to do it. It means a lot to him and it would help build my portfollio. I am trying to look at it as a business oppurtinty and pretend like it's not my father.
I also realized that I really don't think I would be where I am today if it was not for my sister. She has been more than my rock but really my savior. And that I would be lost with out her. I know that I am still crappy to her sometimes and that I don't always really show and or tell her that she means the world to me!! All I want for her is true happiness and I hope that I help her work towards that instead of holding her back like I sometimes do.
The only really good thing that has been coming out of all of this crazyness is a better and stronger realtionship with my mom, my sister and myself. I am trying to look at it as a journey that is going to make everything much better in the end!

PS...I kinda went off on dad today...opps!!! If you want the details, give me a buzz!!

Manda