The Life Of Me.

Whyyyyyy

Why do I always start arguments over nothing??? Well it begins with something....something small...and then I blow them out of proportion, and then I'm too stubborn and proud to admit that it was silly and that things will be okay. SO STUPID. Especially when it's over the internet. ARGH. AND WHY DO I ALWAYS TRY TO LOSE THE ONLY THING I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO KEEP??? Please, somebody explain the insanity to me. I think in some vein, it's that I'm either testing him...testing the boundaries...OR...I don't feel like I deserve him, so therefore trying to get him to dump me. He does deserve better...

I'm not nice enough to him. Meh.

But I love him so much I want to marry him and have children with him, and be silly with him, listen to him ramble as he always does, laugh with him, mature with him, experience the world with him, travel with him, learn with him, change with him, feel safe with him, get through the toughest of times with him, fight life with him, enjoy life with him, grow old with him. Why do I always push things so that I almost lose all that?!?!?!

I'm an idiot.