Breathing Room

Starting Over

Let me tell you let me tell you, I watch Starting Over (I tape it) faithfully and that show is the TRUTH! For Real! If you didn't know before Iyanla Vanzant she is phenomenal...okay...she sees all of you even when you think you've gotten it hidden perfectly. If you've never read her bool(s) I encourage you to check it out of the library because you will not be disappointed...

Let me backtrack for just a moment. Starting Over is an excellent show that comes on NBC (eastern standard time at 11 a.m.) and its about women who go to the "Starting Over" house to basically deal with some issues that are plaguing them as adults in the real world and keeping them from living an enriched life. Its reality...

Now although Starting Over is definitely a diverse show at the moment they have two black women in the house along with three other white women and tensions are running HIGH! But as the consulting psychologist on the show -Dr. Stan- said generally people like to find people who they think they'll automatically connect with because of similar race or style or culture and that may not be the case at all and because we refuse to open up to someone who seems so different from us we may be walking away from a lifelong best friend.

Antonia, who is in the house because she is learning to deal with issues that have her over $60,000 in debt and she's only like 27-30 is a spoiled brat. She was given an assignment to redecorate the downstairs guest bedroom with a budget of $10,000. Now she didn't ONCE ask about prices or anything to do with money and she has spent $9200 so far. Now she had to paint the room and her deadline was the next day. This girl gets pissed at everyone else because no one came to help her (eventhough she waited until the last minute to do the work.) In the house you learn that you cannot expect people to do things for you...you must always ask and eventhough you may ask you may not get the help -and that's okay. Well Antonia has yet to learn that shocking truth but to hear her (in her hilarious Boston accent) tell it you can tell she'll be in the house for like 6 months.

That show really makes me think about lmy life and my relationships and how I treat people and myself. Iyanla said today that often people get mad because that is the easiest emotion for them to express because instead of getting to the true feeling -the hurt feeling that you may be feeling (for instance if Antonia would have told her housemates that she was really hurt that no one took the time to come and help her) and being vulnerable with that feeling, letting the other person that you need them -becomes too scary and so many of us turn that feeling into anger in order to protect ourselves.

Boy could I relate to THAT! Because before that moment (literally) I was so ready to be mad at Dave. Here it is 7:50 p.m. and he hasn't once called to tell me he's working late, going somewhere, taking a walk or any number of things he could tell me just to let me know where he is and so I'm informed. And we have talked about it, so he knows...but the truth is that I really miss him. And I like his company after I've been home for a little bit and when he isn't there when I want him to be there and he didn't call like we've discussed in the past, it makes me miss him. Now I wasn't planning on telling him when he walked in that I missed him, but I did plan on being angry, but you know what -its not even worth it.

And that's why I love that show because I heal along with those women and learn to open up more and be vulnerable and just decide to be me -unmasked.