Bloggin' Umholtz

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exagerrated

“Hey Jim, have you seen Joe around lately?”

“Nope. Pete, from down the hardware store said he saw him a couple of weeks ago. Said he wandered in, bought a length of stovepipe, half a case of starting ether and an industrial sized funnel.”

“Pretty weird assortment, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, Pete thought so too. When he asked Joe about it he mumbled something about being fed up with the Neanderthals around here.”

“You don’t suppose he was making a bomb, do you?”

“Naw, Goose. Besides, the only two Neanderthals around here are you and me and Joe can’t blow us up. If he did, he’d have nothing to write about. Pete said he muttered something about building a rocket and heading back to the home planet.”

“That’s a relief. For a minute there I thought it was sumthin serious.”

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Hello all my friends,

Yep, it’s me, Joe, the guy that disappeared for a couple of months. I figure I owe all of you an explanation. So if you will allow me I’ll pick up where I left off, a week out of brain surgery.

The big challenge after the surgery was getting my left ear balance nerve to take over. When I came home from surgery I figured my equilibrium was about 50%, which according to the Doc wasn’t bad for one week out. I knew I had one more week to get the other 50% so I could go back to work. Doc said walk. We walked.

The one thing I hadn’t counted on was the sheer exhaustion that hit me after the surgery. When I came home the simple act of carrying my duffel bag up ten steps into the house exhausted me. The following day walking the equivalent of two football fields did the same thing. All I wanted to do was sleep. Looking back, I’m sure this was a combination of things.

1. My body doesn’t like anesthetic. I always tell the anesthesiologist this when I go for surgery. I tell him I’m a cheap date. One drink and I’m out like a light. They nod their heads, smile and agree. And all along I can see the wheels turning in their heads. 300 lbs? Lets give this boy the bull elephant dose. Sigh. Nobody listens to poor Joe.

2. Somebody cut a hole in my head. That can’t be good. And any self respecting body would take affront to being so invaded. It would devote as much energy to healing itself as possible. No energy left over for me!

3. I now only have one balance nerve. Nobody warned the remaining one about was coming. There was no preparation. All of a sudden it’s expected to do the job of two when it had been happily cruising along comfortable in the knowledge that it was only responsible for half my balance. The guy on the other side of my head was suppose to take care of the rest and all of a sudden somebody up and offed him. What a rude awakening for the remaining balance nerve. There goes his day off. More energy needed here.

So I guess it’s not unusual that all I wanted to do was sleep. So that’s what I did for the second week. I slept. I walked. A half mile, then a mile, then two, finally three, and today six weeks or so out, four miles!. I walked like a drunken sailor at first, sometimes like a toddler taking his first steps, eventually, with concentration, like a semi normal person.

After the second week I figured my equilibrium was about 85%. Doc was amazed. I deemed myself ready to go back to work. I did. Sat at my desk all day. Came home and immediately went to sleep. Oh, and I walked. Four weeks out, equilibrium about 95%. My first big test at work came with helping to teach a course on wetlands. No problems. I was ecstatic.

There was one other thing that came from all this. I had absolutely no desire to sit and write. I don’t know if it was the exhaustion (My energy level is still not back to norm) or what. Luckily that appears to be slowly reversing itself.

But now that brings up another two problems.

1. Work is in high gear. You all no doubt have noticed the increase in energy prices. When you see that happening, you can pretty much bet Joe’s a busy guy. I leave tomorrow for Pittsburgh – all week. Next week it’s State College and the week after that Harrisburg and so on and so on.

2. This is the time of year where my writing and computer time take a back seat to other activities; fishing; gardening; hiking; fishing; traveling; and did I mention fishing? (These are the activities that give me the fodder for some of my stories.)

So, my apologies to all of you for not being around, I hope I didn’t worry you. (If the truth were known I worried myself) I will endeavor to make my presence more known than it has been but I doubt it will be as steady as it was in the winter. I can pretty much guarantee that my blog reading/writing will suffer somewhat.

Oh, my equilibrium is about 98%. There are only a few things that give me trouble. Standing in the boat is one of them. The first few fishing trips I made were quite interesting. I actually crawled out of the boat and onto the dock on my hands and knees. The last two trips I walked. Still haven’t tried getting up in a tree stand for hunting. Maybe I’ll wait a bit for that. (grin)