The Dharma Force

Wife is out of the town

Wife is out of the town! Yeah, party at my place, beer for everyone.

Ok, the excitement is over. I am a very dull guy, so that only lasted for about 5 minutes and I am stuck with the reality of the thing.

My wife has been taking care of me and all the kids since forever, so now, I am left to fend for myself.

And the worse thing is that she left our 6 years old daughter in my charge.

So cold! So lonely! So do not know what to do!

If anyone has a magic formula to shut up a 6 years old girl, please give it here!

My usual weapon of "Ask your mother." is out of commission for now. And I cannot lay a guilt trip on her when she gets back because she took the energizer bunny reincarnated 1 and 1/2 years old boy with her.

So I am standing between the Rock and the Abyss. And I definitely have a fear of heights, or the rock, or myself.

Took the girl to the mall on Saturday. Got her some books. Cost $40.
Took the girl to see a movie on Sunday. Cost $40.
Taking care of the girl for one weekend. Cost 10 years of my life!

The worst thing of this experience so far, is not the wasted Happy Meal she only ate a bite and went to play the little worthless toy; nor the wasted popcorn, she only ate two handful and declared them to be too greasy (She asked for the exact butter in the first place); nor the wasted movie "Ice Age the Melt Down" she only saw about less than half because she was scared of the rumbling of the ice, or the pre-historical alligators in the water, or the loud suspenseful music.

The worst part of the whole ordeal is I have to bind her hair into two little piggy tails!

The horror! The humiliation!
The first try brought on two pimple like dots!
The second try was like I am disguising her as a witch without warts.
The third try was a success except the two little piggy tails are not level. As a matter of fact, one was pointing down and the other was pointing up.

I had to tell her it was the newest style and asked her not to walk near me for the rest of the day. (Just a fun game for her of course.)

WHY? WHY ME? WHY HER? WHY? WHY? WHY?
OK, OK, deep breath, deep breath, wax on, wax off ...
I need to save my strength. It is not over yet. I need to endure the next 4 weeks of this. So I'd better save some of the rants for later.

WHY? WHY? WHY?
STELLA!

I don't know who that was. But I am scheduled to take her to see the "Over the Hedge" next weekend, and I saw the trailer yesterday.